


Monster

by Sidi



Series: Bad Romance [2]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Angst, But very divergent after Season 4 lol, Canon Universe, Explicit Sexual Content, Focus is Keitor, Gaslighting, Keitor, M/M, Manipulation, Rough Sex, Soul Bond, The Klance is very minimal and background, The Lion King - Freeform, some violence, vers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-14
Updated: 2018-02-05
Packaged: 2019-01-17 06:59:43
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 22,295
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12360102
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sidi/pseuds/Sidi
Summary: The Consequences of Trusting Lotor





	1. There was a Monster in my Bed

**Author's Note:**

> This is a continuation of the Bad Romance fic. You can technically read it on its own, but reading that one will really enhance reading this one. Click on the series link right above this one. 
> 
> There are a few scenes that are flashbacks in this chapter. They are in italics. 
> 
> Please see the end for important notes.

A hissing sound startles Keith awake. He opens his eyes to see rounded glass surrounding him on all sides. There is only a brief moment of panic before Keith relaxes. It is a healing pod. He is in a healing pod and not dead or chained up in some Galran prison. He feels a rush of gratitude and happiness. He eagerly stumbles out, imagining the welcoming arms that would greet him. Literally anyone from the Castle would be like seeing an angel right now.

There are no arms to receive him though and he stumbles onto his knees, blinking his eyes rapidly. He quickly realizes that he is not in the Castle or at least not in any part of the Castle that he recognizes. He considers that maybe they stuck him in a pod in a different room, but then he remembers.

In a rush, it all comes back. Pushing Lance, seeing the back of his head before he shut the door. He remembers the blood on his hands and falling backwards into Lotor’s arms.

He isn’t sure why he thought that the Alteans and the Castle would be the only place that would have healing pods.  

He swallows and struggles to his feet. Something is still wrong with him. He puts his hand to his stomach and doesn’t feel any blood or even a wound. But, he feels weak and tired. Even with the adrenaline rush of realizing that he is in danger, he feels like he could lay down and sleep.

He battles against it though and carefully examines his surroundings.

He is in a large bedroom he doesn’t recognize with three doors. It is a simple though nice room decorated in mostly white, but accents of pale blue for color. It reminds Keith of a nice hotel room. The floors that aren’t covered in large rugs and walls let him know that he is likely on a ship of some sort. There is no one in the room that he can see.

Keith cautiously makes his way to the middle of the room. A figure appears before him and he jumps, clenching his fist and ready to hit it. Then he recognizes himself, pale, shaking, and glaring at himself. There is a full length mirror near the door that he assumes leads to a bathroom. He is wearing a simple black bodysuit similar to the ones that they wore in the healing pods at the Castle.  The mirror fills him with dread.

He knows who is fond of mirrors in their living space as well as clean, modern aesthetics.  

There is also a large vanity with a cushioned seat and another mirror near the bathroom as well. Keith moves over to the vanity, looking at a few of the items sitting there.

There is a hairbrush, a silver decorative one and Keith brushes his fingers against it.

_“How many times a day do you brush your hair?”_

_“Only a few times. And then before bed. It would do wonders for your hair, Keith.”_

_“That will be the day that you catch me brushing my hair at night when no one will see it. I have never seen a brush this nice either.”_

_“It is specially made from the mane of a Kizi. A gift actually, from my generals. I have difficult hair because it is very thick, but also fine. It tangles easily and is harder to brush than you would think.”_

_Keith laughs. “You could just run your fingers through it instead.”_

_“Some of us aren’t slobs, Keith. Ok, we can go now.” Lotor stands up and flicks his hair behind his back, walking ahead of Keith._

_Keith shakes his head, smiling as he watches Lotor from behind. Not for the first time, he imagines running his fingers through it, thinking maybe the decorative brush is worth it if it makes his hair look that soft and inviting, like it would feel like silk as his fingers_

clench into a fist. Keith jerks away from the hairbrush, slamming the memory down.

He looks around, wondering if there are cameras on him and formulating a plan.   

A quick scan of the room turns up no weapons. Keith is going to try to run for it, but not before finding some type of weapon. The room only has sparse belongings in it though. He goes through the vanity and only finds some creams and lotions, a few hair ties, some other random grooming stuff like some tweezers.

The dresser has some clothing. He finds pajamas, robes, random other undergarments and then some pants and shirts. As he digs through them, he freezes when he comes to the third drawer. His black pants and shirt are in there along with a few other shirts and pants that are similar and his size. With a slow shudder, he backs away from the dresser.

 _Too bad my belt wasn’t in here_ , he thinks, desperate for any type of weapon. There is another door located closer to where the pod is situated in the corner. He opens it and sees a large walk-in closet. Unfortunately, there is almost nothing in there.

He then confirms his suspicion about the door near the mirror being the bathroom. There are two sinks situated almost immediately when he enters. There is nothing underneath the sinks and only bare toiletries scattered around the room including a variety of soaps and shampoos situated near the huge bathing area that is almost more like a pool than a bath tub.  

Still feeling groggy, he walks back over to the sink to splash water on his face. With a sick feeling, he freezes when he sees a certain item sitting next to one of the sinks.  

_“I bought you another present.”_

_“You buy me too much stuff. Now isn’t the time anyway…”_

_Lotor holds up a toothbrush. It is white with purple accents._

_“I already have a toothbrush?”_

_“You don’t have one at my place.”_

_“Oh…”_

_“I don’t mean to pressure you. I know you have an important role with Voltron and that things are tense right now with what happened to Kolivan. But we will figure everything out and maybe you can spend the night sometimes. Maybe eventually, even move in…”_

_Keith jerks his head up, eyes widened. He hadn’t really thought of the future before, of maybe one day living with someone like that, living with Lotor…_

_“I don’t mean right away. Or even soon. Our lives are complicated. But, someday, I can dream about us not having to just visit with one another. Can’t I?”_

_“Yes, you can.”_

_Lotor leans forward and kisses him, gently, Keith sighs into it and_

with a sneer, Keith throws the toothbrush into the trash can next to the toilet, shaking his head. He is furious that it is even here, that someone placed it there as some sort of sick joke. He ignores the other toothbrush sitting at the other sink that is white with an orange strip.  

There is nothing that Keith sees that would help him in a fight, no real weapons, especially not against who he assumes to be on the ship with him. He exits the bathroom and tries to think. He knows that stealth would be better anyway. He still doesn’t feel right. He is shaking slightly and feels exhausted. He wouldn’t be much of a match even for lesser enemies, not to mention Lotor or any of the girls.

Then, he has an idea.

He walks back into the main living area and places the mirror on the ground. Then, he puts a towel from the bathroom over it. He takes the heavy hairbrush and slams it against the mirror. With a muffled crack, he feels it break underneath him. Smiling, he moves the towel and finds a good sized shard of glass.

It isn’t much, but it makes him feel better. Using a small, silky washcloth he finds in the vanity, he wraps a hair band around it until it makes for a makeshift handle to protect his hand just a little bit.

Then, he takes a deep breath, steadies his knees, and tries to open the largest and most decorative door located on the furthest wall from the healing pod. He is shocked when it slides open. He had half-expected to be locked in the room.

He enters a foyer of sorts outside of the room. It is so big and long that he supposes it is more like a hallway. He creeps slowly down the hallway until there is another door. It is completely silent and he still doesn’t see anyone. The lights are dim. He hopes that maybe everyone is asleep and he will somehow get lucky sneaking out.

This door leads to an actual hallway that is clearly a ship. He listens closely, slowly moving forward and around a corner into another hallway. Then, there is a sudden noise as a door suddenly slides open only 10 or so feet in front of him.

“I mean, are you sure you can’t find it? I feel like the mall should have it…did you try Splencers?”

It is Ezor. She comes out of the door and immediately turns so her back is facing him. She is on the phone, tapping her foot impatiently.

Keith has to make a decision and quick. He could hope she walks away, distracted by her conversation. Or he could make his way back down the hallway and choose another way to walk. Or, maybe he should try to get into a vent system or something.

Keith’s head is muddled and foggy and he curses himself, curses his body for failing him right now. He starts to back away when Ezor whips around, eyes falling on him and gasping.

Keith grips the shard of glass tightly, gritting his teeth. Maybe he can get a lucky shot at her. Maybe she wouldn’t expect him to be armed. Maybe he could even take her hostage.

“Keith!” she cries out, obviously surprised. Then she walks quickly over to him, turning off the phone without even saying goodbye.

Keith grips the glass tighter, trying to square himself, desperate to feel strong and like himself again. He has to be patient though, hope she lets her guard down, hope she doesn’t see that he even has a weapon. He would wait for her to get close and then…

She approaches him quickly and reaches her hands out for him. He wonders if she is going to strangle him since he caught her unarmed. She reaches past his neck though and then Keith feels her arms tighten around him.

“Keith, we were so worried! Are you ok? You should probably be in bed.”

Keith freezes, unable to process as Ezor holds him close.

“I am so glad you are awake. It was _terrible_ seeing you in a pod.”

Keith isn’t sure what is happening, but he nevertheless tightens his grip again on the glass shard. He brings it behind her back, then to her side. She isn’t wearing armor and he could most likely angle his strike into the soft part of her side. Closer to her stomach and he could hit deep enough to immobilize her. Higher up, and he could possibly kill her, get close to where he can hear her heart beating right now as she clutches him to her chest.  

“I am so sorry we weren’t there when you woke up. We thought it would be another 8 hours, but our timing may have been off since, you know, you have weird human in you or whatever. How do you feel? Can I get you something to eat or drink?”

_Keith sits at the booth, pulling his neon blue drink that tastes sort of like coke close to him. Ezor leans over and sticks her straw into his drink, smirking, before bringing it to her mouth._

_“Hey!”_

_“C’mon K-Dawg, I have to make sure it isn’t poisoned. You never know who might want to hurt a paladin.”_

_“Whatever. You always eat my food.”_

_“She always eats everyone’s food,” Lotor points out._

_Keith smiles. “So are you the type of person who says they don’t want fries and then you eat everyone else’s?”_

_“What are fries?”_

_“Like, little…things…food. Do you know what a potato is? A type of small food that you order to go with a meal.”_

_“Oh, then yes. Except I order my own food and then also eat everyone else’s.”_

_Acxa rolls her eyes. “I have stopped fighting it.”_

_Lotor leans forward with his head on his hands. “I have come to like it. I always get to sample double the menu now with Ezor.”_

_“She doesn’t steal from me or Narti.”_

_“No, Zethrid and Narti are off-limits. I would pull back a half an arm if I tried to take their food.”_

_Everyone laughs. When their actual meals come, Keith leans back, rolling his eyes but also giving access to Ezor as she grabs one of the sort of chips on his plate. With a smile, he reaches forward and_

His hand relaxes. The shard slips to the ground and he eases into the hug. He doesn’t have any strength left and he isn’t even sure he will be able to walk.

He can’t do it.

“I don’t feel right.”

“I am not sure our pods were really set for someone like you. You aren’t injured anymore, but you are probably really weak right now. Let me help you.”

Keith finds himself leaning against Ezor as she helps him back to the room. She takes him immediately to the bed, pulling the sheets back for him. Keith collapses on the bed, panting, suddenly realizing just how weak he feels, how much just searching the room and walking down a hallway overexerted him.

“Hold on,” she says and disappears before coming back. She has a drink and some small cookies when she returns.

“Do you need help eating? It is fine, don’t look at me like that. You are going to owe me though,” she smirks and punches his arm softly.

Keith drinks and eats one of the cookies while she watches. Then, he shakes his head.

“Why am I not in chains right now?”

“Chains?”

“In a cell. Chained up.”

She laughs.

“Your head must still be a bit fuzzy.”

“Ezor…”

“You aren’t a prisoner. Why would you be chained up in a cell?”

“I am not a prisoner?”

“No, stupid.”

“Then I can leave? Right now? You will let me leave and go back to the Castle?”

“I mean, sure you can eventually go back to the Castle, but right now you can barely stand. Also, you really do need to at least talk to Lotor.”

“He stabbed me.”

Ezor laughs again and waves his hand at him flippantly.

“He has a temper sometimes, doesn’t he?”

He stares at her.

“I mean, who here hasn’t been stabbed by Lotor?”

“Are you being for real right now…”

“Ok, I am exaggerating. He hasn’t stabbed any of us. But he just overreacted because he felt betrayed, Keith.”

“ _He_ felt betrayed? Excuse me?”

“He felt like you chose Lance over him. You really hurt his feelings. You guys need to talk. Just be honest with one another.”

Keith gapes at her. She was acting like they just had a little tiff or something.

“He betrayed me. He used me.”

“Lotor would never use or betray you.” Keith battles to keep his eyes open, exhausted, but not wanting to be helpless or unconscious in this situation.  

“K-dawg, look, Lotor. Loves. You.” With each word, she boops his nose. “It is just a misunderstanding, just like I know you didn’t really choose Lance over him. You just need to rest, clear your head, and then we can all talk.”

The bed is so comfortable and he can feel sleep tugging at him. He struggles against it, struggles to understand the situation.

“He…you guys were going to…you used Voltron…This isn’t really about Lance…”

“Keith, you need to sleep. You are confused right now. I promise, just relax and sleep and you will feel better when you wake up. Just like your old self.”

Keith is losing the battle, eyes flitting shut, and the last thing he sees is Ezor laying a hand on his forehead and smiling warmly at him.

********

Consciousness slowly returns to Keith. He feels comfortable and warm. He even tricks himself into feeling safe for the moment. He lets himself slowly slip out of his sleep.

Part of him wants to stay in the bed forever with his eyes closed. He hadn’t really been given time to feel anything since the fallout of realizing Lotor really is the villain Lance told him he was.

He feels sad. Embarrassed and angry too. But also sad, a sadness that seeps into his very bones. He had spent months slowly learning to trust and love Lotor. He thought of the generals as a second family now to Pidge, Hunk, Lance, Allura, Coran, and Shiro. He thought his number of loved ones had doubled in the world. He was starting to imagine an actual future with Lotor. It had been a brief moment of happiness before shattering. When he pushed Lance out that door, he feels like he lost two families. The one that had betrayed him. And the one that he lost when he decided to trust Lotor. He wonders if they hate him now. He wonders if it is his fault Kolivan is dead. He wonders if Lance even escaped. He wonders if it really is him that is the issue because he loses everyone eventually.

He feels alone again, aching to be back at the Castle.

He lets himself feel sorry for himself, curled up in Lotor’s bed, the one that smells like his lotion. He only indulges for the moment. Then, he rallies. He isn’t dead yet. He hasn’t lost anyone at the Castle, not yet. He would fight his way out of this. He would make his way back. He would fix his mistakes.  

As he wakes up more, he realizes that something is pressed against his back. Shifting slightly, horrified, he realizes it is a body.

“Are you awake? How are you feeling?”

The voice chills him. His eyes snap open and he tenses.

“Hey, baby, relax. It is ok. I have you.” Lotor strokes his hair soothingly.

Keith still feels weak, but not shaky or foggy anymore. He briefly debates playing into whatever game Lotor is playing and then attacking him when his guard is down, but Lotor leans down and kisses the nape of his neck and Keith. Just. Snaps.

“Don’t fucking touch me,” he cries out, struggling to jump out of the bed.

Lotor lets him, watching carefully as Keith staggers as soon as he tries to stand. Suddenly trying to stand makes him dizzy.  

“I know you are mad at me and I am sorry. But, right now you are still weak from the treatment. Please do not hurt yourself. I will leave so you can rest by yourself.”

Keith struggles, still tangled up in the sheets, angry tears pricking his eyes at the fact that he still doesn’t feel like himself, still doesn’t feel like he can throw a punch and have it mean something.

And he so dearly wants to punch Lotor in the face.

Lotor stands up, holding his hands out.

“Please, I know I have upset you…”

“Upset me? You tried to kill me.”

“I purposefully did not hit any vital organs and you were thirty seconds from a pod. Your life was never in danger.”

“You used me. You terrible, fucking, monster.” Keith is so angry he could pull his hair out. Or maybe pull Lotor’s out. He is horrified by how wet his eyes feel right now, like he might actually cry. He knows how weak he must look, in front of the bad guy, the person they would need to defeat along with Zarkon.

“We can talk later. I think there have been some misunderstandings and you sound confused right now…Keith!!”

Keith feels faint and he nearly collapses as Lotor speaks. He feels strong hands grab him and gently place him back in the bed. A second later, he feels the sheets pulled up over him.

“We can talk later, baby.”

Keith squirms, still furious. Lotor strokes his hair again, shushing him quietly. Keith feels a warm sense of calm come over him suddenly. His body relaxes and the anger disappears. Lotor leans close to his head, moving to whisper right next to Keith’s ear.  

“Know that I love you and that I will always love you.”

With that, Keith hears footsteps before the lights turn off and the door opens and then shuts.

Keith trembles in the bed for a few minutes before lurching to his feet. He just wants to splash water on his face in an effort to clear his head. Then he can figure something out.  

He staggers to the bathroom, using the wall to support himself. He flicks on the light and approaches the sink when he stops cold in his tracks.

Sitting beside the sink is the toothbrush. The white and purple toothbrush, back in the same place it was before Keith threw it in the trash.

Keith grips the edge of the mirror, looking at his wild-eyed reflection before sinking down to the ground with a whimper. _It would almost be easier if he was chained up in some cell_ , he thinks, resting his head against the sink.

He rests for a while before making his way back to the bed, still using the wall for support. He keeps thinking that all he needs is a nap and then he can wake up, come up with a plan, and figure everything out. Just one more nap.

He has barely curled up in the bed when he falls back into the sweet release of sleep.


	2. We French Kissed on a Subway Train

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lotor and his Generals give Keith a surprise

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long. I was working on a trashy vampire fic because of Halloween and also just generally being really busy.  
> Also, holy shit this has a lot of hits right now. I am used to like, 200 hits total per chapter lol. I hope this doesn't disappoint anyone.

“Hey, wake up sleepyhead, we have a surprise for you.”

Ezor is standing above him, grinning. Keith bolts upright, clutching the sheets on the bed. It takes him a minute to register where he is. It takes another to realize he is completely naked.

“How are you feeling? I brought you some food.”

“Who undressed me?”

“Your clothes were dirty so we prepared some clean ones for you. I will leave so you can eat and get dressed. Just come out whenever you are ready.”

He lifts his hand up in front of his face and realizes that he is shaking. A stab of frustration travels through him as he realizes he still feels weak.

“Ezor?” He calls out to her as she is walking out of the room.

“Yes?”

“Are you my friend?”

She stops, turning around and looking at him carefully. “Yes, of course.”

“Then will you help me?”

“Help how?”

“Help me get away. A ship. Call Voltron. Something.”

Ezor sighs. “It’s complicated, Keith. You know that.”  

“It isn’t. Can you at least tell me what you guys are doing to my body?”

“What do you mean?”

“You are sedating me or drugging me or something. Don’t play stupid.”

Ezor is silent.

“Why can’t you just be honest about the fact that I am a prisoner right now and you are drugging me to make sure I don’t kill all of you.”

“Would you really kill us?”

“I would kill Lotor.”

“Would you?”

“Ezor, just let me go. Let me get a ship or talk to my team…”

“You need to be patient. Lotor doesn’t consider you a prisoner. He is just afraid that if he lets you go you will never come back. Just get dressed and come see your surprise.”

She leaves before Keith can respond, which is probably a good thing because, yes, of course if he were allowed to leave he would never come back.

He gets up, quickly eats the breakfast bar she had brought him, and then looks for some clothing. In the entire room, all he finds is a single set of clothing waiting for him. It is a set of armor that looks like the ones Lotor and his generals wear.

He considers his options.

He knows exactly what is happening here.

It is a childish, immature move. One that marks Keith as Lotor’s. Keith feels a wave of disgust at the thought of Lotor undressing him while he was unconscious. He could have dressed him too though, but this forces Keith to do it himself, to choose to put it on. It isn’t really a choice, but he would still be putting the armor on himself. He would still be wearing Lotor’s armor.

And Keith isn’t going to play Lotor’s games anymore.  

So he turns and walks out of the room without any clothing on at all. He isn’t sure what he imagines happening as he powerwalks into the hallway, but it isn’t really Lotor standing there, waiting for him.

He looks infuriatingly amused. “Keith, you forgot to get dressed!”

“Fuck you and your armor.”

Lotor laughs like it is a joke and then wraps an arm around him.

“Let’s get you dressed.”

Keith briefly considers doing the thing where children go boneless to avoid doing something. If Lotor wants to force him to get dressed, then he would have to actually force him.

But the grip on his arm is just tight enough with just enough claw that Keith reconsiders. He can feel waves of emotions coming off Lotor. There is affection, but also something dangerous and cold underneath it.

Keith decides he should pick his battles, just for now.

Keith fumbles with the armor while Lotor watches him. He has surprisingly little grip strength and the slick, tight material is difficult to maneuver. Lotor eventually steps in, helping, pulling the tight material up his body.

He feels a rush of affection sweep over him. He can tell that Lotor enjoys helping him, that he wants to hug him, that he loves seeing him in his general’s armor.

“So are you ever going to stop drugging me or is this just my life now? Is it in the food?”

“I am not sure what you are talking about. You suffered a great wound and it will take some recovery time.”

“Voltron would have pods more calibrated to someone like me so you could just let me go back to them.”

“You need to stay here, Keith. Trust me. There is more going on here than you realize.”  

Keith fights against a warm feeling in his chest as Lotor runs his fingers through his hair, smoothing what the body suit had just ruffled. He doesn’t understand how he can feel safe with Lotor touching him when these same hands are the ones that tried to kill him only a few days ago.

When he is done, he looks in a new full-length mirror. He looks like one of Lotor’s generals. Lotor stands behind him, smiling.

“You look amazing. Perfect. Like this is how it is meant to be.”

“I thought you got off on me being the Black Paladin.”

“You can be both. Now, let’s go get your surprise.”

There is a lot to process and the repeated mentions of a surprise suddenly seem more important than whatever is happening to his body. The veiled references to a surprise now seem ominous.  

Lotor holds his hands as they walk through some twisting hallways.

He isn’t expecting to walk into a theater type room with the _Lion King_ title screen playing across the large flat screen.

“Oh my god.”

Ezor, Acxa, Narti, and Zethrid are sitting draped across one of the large couches with an honest to god bucket of popcorn sitting in front of them.  

“We finally tracked it down!” Ezor screams.

“We? I am the one who was given this stupid mission. Do you know how much time I wasted trying to find your movie, Keith?” Acxa asks.  

“Does anything die in this movie?” Zethrid asks.    

Intense embarrassment rises up. There is little Keith wants to do less than sit around with all of them and watch a movie he liked when he was a kid. He doesn’t think Lotor is the kid’s movie type of person anyway.

Then another surge of defiance rolls through him. He isn’t sure why he is feeling self-conscious. He isn’t the one imprisoning someone he claims to love. Why should he care if they don’t like the movie?  

Lotor guides him to a couch and sits next to him, grabbing another bucket.

“We couldn’t quite get popcorn in the time frame we had, but we tried to get an equivalent for you. We read that popcorn is standard movie food on Earth.”

Keith feels a pang of pain. He had felt so cared about when they got him a steak to eat. This is a sweet gesture too, in theory, but what seemed nice before now seems weird and manipulative.

_Nants ingonyama bagithi baba!_

Then the opening is playing. It is just as beautiful as Keith remembers and he hates himself for feeling excited about watching the film.

 

“Oh, that looks like a skinnier lion! Is it a baby?” Ezor asks.

“No, that’s a cheetah. It is a different, really fast type of big cat.”

“What is that…thing…” Acxa says.  

“That…is maybe a heron?”

“What’s wrong with its neck?”

“That is just…what they look like…”

“What is that weird-looking animal?” Lotor points.  

“It’s a giraffe…and yes they are weird looking even to humans.”

The camera swoops to show Mufasa on the rock.

“LION!” Ezor screams.

Kova gets up and paces, twitching her tail. Keith wonders if that means Narti is excited.  

“Wouldn’t all these animals be eating each other?” Acxa asks.

“Do we get to see anyone eat each other?” Zethrid asks.  

“Uh, sort of…yes, there is some eating…”

“Yes!” Zethrid responds, punching the air with her fist.  

Keith is determined not to interact with them and not to enjoy his surprise, but he can’t stop himself from responding and enjoying their reactions.

Keith is not quite touching Lotor, but he can feel waves of discomfort coming from him during the Simba/Mufasa scenes that are, in retrospect, put there just to make you feel worse when Mufasa dies. Lotor seems tense, leaning forward a bit. Keith averts his eyes, ignoring both the waves of discomfort and his sudden urge to reach out and touch Lotor’s arm.

_Hyenas! In the Pride Lands!_

“Hyenas? What are hyenas?” Ezor asks.

“They are the bad guys,” Keith responds.

“Why?” Ezor asks.

“Well…they…movies have to have bad guys?”

“Are hyenas naturally worse than other animals?” Acxa asks.

“They are kind of ugly,” Keith shrugs.

Lotor frowns.

“So, they are disliked and banned from the Pride Lands because they are ugly?”

“You guys are over-thinking it.”

The movie moves to the Elephant Graveyard. 

“This place looks awesome!” Zethrid says.

Keith has to admit that, as an adult, the elephant graveyard that was kind of scary when he was young is now pretty cool.

_Yeaaaah! We could have whatever's..."lion" around! Get it? Lion around!_

_Oh wait, wait, wait. I got one, I got one. Make mine a "cub" sandwich. Whatcha think?_

Keith laughs, forgetting that the hyena trio apparently makes awful puns. It reminds him of Hunk for some reason and his chest tightens.

He is surprised that everyone seems to be laughing too though, including Lotor at his side.

“Those are supposed to be the disgusting bad guy hyenas? They are so funny!” Ezor says.

“I love them!” Zethrid adds.

Even Acxa is smiling and Kova and Narti appear to be watching the screen intently. Keith hopes that Narti can experience the movie like the others with Kova’s help.   

_Simba... Let me tell you something that my father told me... Look at the stars. The great kings of the past look down on us from those stars._

_Really?_

_Yes... So whenever you feel alone, just remember that those kings will always be there to guide you ... And so will I._

A wave of sadness hits Keith except it is not his own. He leans back on the couch, looking over, and isn’t entirely surprised when Lotor grabs his hand. He realizes that there is so much that he doesn’t know about Lotor and wonders why that line seems to have affected him so much. He also wonders when he started being able to feel so much of what Lotor feels.  

_I’m surrounded by idiots_

Scar rubs his face, muttering the famous words that Keith remembers repeating to classmates on the schoolyard at times.

“He reminds me of you,” Acxa says abruptly, looking at Lotor.

Keith laughs loudly because it is entirely true and also unexpected coming from Acxa.  There is a moment where Lotor seems to be deciding how to take it and then he laughs too. While they are laughing, Lotor eases closer to Keith, throwing an arm behind his back.

It’s too domestic though, too close, too cuddly, but what can Keith do now?

Everyone is dead silent during the entire Mufasa death scene and, by now, Keith is so engrossed in the movie that he starts to forget his situation.  

_Can you feel the love tonight?_

_The peace the evening brings?_

_The world, for once, in perfect harmony_

_With all its living things._

Lotor pulls Keith closer. From this angle, Keith can see a blade at his waist. He leans into Lotor, pretending to get closer and throwing an arm around him, all the while creeping his hand along the side of his body. He puts his hand on the handle and almost instantly feels a hand on top of his. He looks up.

Lotor is looking at him, surprisingly softly, and shakes his head. Keith withdraws his hand, but Lotor’s arm keeps him close.

Then he feels it again, almost like a drug pouring over him. He relaxes into Lotor’s hold.

_Can you feel the love tonight?_

_You needn't look too far -_

_Stealing through the night's uncertainties_

_Love is where they are._

He leans his head into Lotor’s chest and closes his eyes for a moment. Lotor gently strokes his hair. At this moment, Keith feels loved, like a warm blanket has been wrapped around him. It is overwhelming.

For a while, Keith forgets everything. Everyone thinks the movie is hilarious. Lotor has a nice laugh and continues to play with his hair. He lays his head on top of Keith’s at one point.

Everything seems to melt away and Keith’s head is muddled, but he enjoys the moment of sharing a movie with his friends, with his boyfriend.

It is only when the movie ends and Lotor pulls back that he comes back to himself. He reminds himself that these aren’t his friends and this isn’t his boyfriend.  

“I liked the kitties! The baby lions were so cute!” Ezor says.

“I liked when Simba grew up and started taking responsibility for his actions,” Acxa says.

“I liked when everyone ate Scar!” Zethrid adds.

Kova purrs, rubbing against Narti’s head.

“Great movie, Keith. We should show make it available for the kids. It really says a lot about leadership, doesn’t it?” Lotor asks.

“Yeah, like people should be happy in their places and not seek power,” Keith mutters.  

“Is that what you got from it? I got that certain people are destined to lead and that those people will naturally rise to the top.”

“I think Keith and Lotor are a bit like Simba, don’t you think?” Ezor says.   

“I think Lotor is like Scar,” Keith bites back.  

“A little Scar, a little bit of Simba too,” Acxa says.

“Simba is a good person…unlike Lotor,” Keith disagrees.  

“There you go using subjective words again, Keith.” Lotor interrupts the discussion. “Simba isn’t a good character because he is a good person. He is a powerful, effective leader and that is what matters. He isn’t even a powerful leader just because he is good though. He has to kill people, to drive others out to get that position.”

“He doesn’t kill anyone, actually, not directly,” Keith answers.  

“That softness is unforgivable. It is what kills Mufasa and causes all the issues in the film. Mufasa should have ended Scar the second he threatened the royal family. No hesitation. Then, Simba should have killed Mufasa rather than showing mercy. His mercy at that moment almost gets him killed. A leader needs to be strong and effective. A leader needs to take responsibility. On that note, Simba was absolutely shameful when he ran from his people in the beginning. I am not even sure I think he was fully redeemed at the end for that particular weakness that caused so much suffering.”  

“Is that really what you got from this? You probably love Scar…”

“I don’t love him because he can’t execute. He is weak too. Scar’s problem isn’t that he is a “bad” person or even that he killed someone though. His plan was actually superb, very intelligent. I also like that he doesn’t banish entire groups of people because they are, as you put it, “ugly.” There is no reason the hyenas should be exiled. They made loyal allies, didn’t they? The issue with Scar is that he killed someone and then was a terrible leader. He made the place worse. His actions after gaining power are unforgiveable. Can you imagine a leader being so lazy that they won’t help their people when they are starving? Or trying to sneak away from a battle rather fight next to his underlings? Shameful.”

“But he made the place worse because he wanted power…”

“It doesn’t matter why he is an ineffective leader. Only results matter. Ok Keith. Listen to this scenario. If Mufasa was a leader whose people were starving and dying and Scar killed him to save the dying Pride Lands would you hate him then?”

“That isn’t what happened.”

“You aren’t answering the question because you know I am right. If Mufasa was a terrible leader who hurt his people with his corruption and ineffectiveness, then Scar could be seen as the hero of this story. You would cheer him on even as he murdered Mufasa. You would celebrate his intelligence, his strategy, his willingness to ally with all animals and not just pure, pretty ones, his willingness to kill in the name of his people, to protect his people.”

Keith rolls his eyes.

“You would especially cheer him on if he, I don’t know, saved a galaxy of planets that later, under his guidance, added close to a million jobs in less than six months, stabilized their economies, introduced better forms of affordable healthcare, and rooted out corrupt politicians stealing money from their people. You know. Like what I did for that last galaxy we saved from the other Galra.”

“Oh my god.”

“Scar was a terrible leader. Mufasa and Simba were great leaders, though too soft. They were mostly successful because they kept everything in balance and were able to defend a right and just society.”

“Yes, in balance. They weren’t tyrannical leaders.”

“They weren’t tyrants, no. I am not one other. But they are at the top of the power structure. Doesn’t the film pretty clearly portray the lions in that way? That they are the kings overlooking the rest of the lesser animals?”

Keith stares at him.

“A hierarchy isn’t bad, Keith. It is natural. Some people are meant to lead others. It is what they are born to do. It is their fate. Some people are lions. Some people are zebras. The lions take care of the zebras.”

“The lions eat the zebras.”

“That’s the circle of life. That is what your movie says. Your movie that you said was your favorite when you were younger. The zebras have a healthy life and celebrate the birth of new lions because they know where they belong in the hierarchy. And where they belong is beneath the lions. Tell me, when a zebra or monkey or heron baby is born do all the animals gather, bow, and literal rays of sunshine spread across the sky to illuminate the baby?”

Keith is silent.

“You are quiet because you know I am right.”

“You aren’t a lion, Lotor.”

“No. But you are. And I am the Galra Prince and I am going to bring balance back to the universe.”

“I would follow anyone before I would follow you. Maybe even Zarkon.”

It is perhaps a low dig. Keith has only heard about Zarkon’s treatment of Lotor in bits and pieces. He can tell it is a very sensitive point for him. But, Keith is angry. He is angry at the armor that he was forced to wear. He is angry that he will never watch the _Lion King_ again without thinking of Lotor. He is angry that Lotor’s arm around him feels so good. He is angry that Lotor is somehow making a good point using a kid’s movie, that he _is_ struggling to come up with counterpoints. So he says the words and waits for the fallout.

“Uh, ok, I think we are…busy and have somewhere to go,” Acxa says.

“Yeah, I have to wash my hair,” Ezor says.

“I have to bench press something,” Zethrid adds.

Narti points at Kova and follows the rest out the door.

“Do you want to repeat that, Keith?”

He doesn’t.

“Literally anyone would be a better leader than you and your father was right about you.” Then he gets up and walks out of the room, knees shaking though he hopes it doesn’t show.  

Keith makes it down one hallway, only mildly surprised to see Acxa there apparently waiting for him.

“I thought you were busy,” he says bitterly.  

She purses her lips and leads him back to the room. She stands outside the door, lingering for a moment.

“Just say what you want, Acxa.”

“You aren’t being very smart and, even if we never really clicked, I always thought you had a better head on your shoulders. Think, Keith.”

Then she is gone, locking the door behind her this time.

He spends most of the day bored with anxious energy. The door is definitely locked from the outside and whatever was done to his body hasn’t faded. He still feels frustratingly weak. There isn’t much to do inside the room either. He naps before deciding he wants a bath. He feels stuffy, spending however many days just inside one room, sleeping most of the time. He isn’t even sure when he last showered.

So, he pulls a bath, carefully locking the bathroom door behind him.

He is only in the bath for a few minutes before he hears a knock on the bathroom door.

“Go away,” he yells.  

It is silly to think anyone would listen to what he wants though. Lotor types in some override code and walks in anyway. There is no smile, not even a hint of the amiability he had shown earlier.

Keith refuses to cover himself in the bath. He refuses to show how exposed he feels at the moment. He glares up at Lotor, casually slinging his arms across the back of the tub.

“I am trying to take a bath.”

“I am not stopping you.”

Lotor pulls a chair from the other room into the room and sits down beside him. Keith wishes he had just gotten out and put some clothes on. Lotor looks him up and down, but not in a romantic way. Keith feels a little bit of fear settle in his stomach and desperately pushes it back down.

“So literally anyone would be a better ruler than me?”

Keith pauses.

“Well, maybe not literally anyone…”

“But a lot of people.”

“Yes, asshole.”

“Like who.”

“I don’t know. Allura. Shiro. Hunk. Lan…”

Lotor’s hand snakes out quickly and wraps around Keith’s neck. There is no pressure, only a threat coiled around his neck at the moment. But it still makes Keith go silent.

“What was that?”

Keith curses himself again for deciding to take a bath. He hates being naked. He hates how he still doesn’t feel right. He hates how Lotor’s hand on him makes him feel helpless.

“A lot of people.”

“That isn’t what you started to say.”

“You are being childish. And Lance would be twice the ruler you could ev…”

Lotor slips his hand a bit downward and pushes Keith under the water. Keith immediately starts struggling, but Lotor keeps him in a vice like grip, one hand on his neck and chest and the other holding one of his arms.

He lets him up a moment later and Keith sputters.

“I fucking hate you.”

Lotor pushes him under again and Keith struggles, cursing how slippery the tub is versus the iron grip of Lotor’s hands. He slips, unable to get enough traction to fight back.

Lotor lets him back up.

“I wish you were…”

He pushes him under again, holding him longer this time, long enough that Keith starts to feel a little burn in his lungs. Then he lets him up. Keith gasps for air, only getting a moment before being pushed back under.

It doesn’t take long for his defiance to turn into fear. He doesn’t want to die like this, not being held underwater in a fucking bath tub by his ex-lover while pathetic and naked.  

“Lotor, please…”

He hates himself.

“Please.”

He is pushed under again. Looking up, he can see Lotor hovering over him. Keith feels what strength he does have leaving his body. A few minutes of uneven access to oxygen and his lungs are burning, he is trembling, and Lotor no longer has to struggle to keep him under.

The next time he is let up he doesn’t even speak. He sputters and shakes, looking up at Lotor, pleading.

He is pushed under again and, this time, he doesn’t even fight it. He allows himself to settle at the bottom of the tub, to feel the weight of Lotor’s hand on his chest holding him down. He forces himself to relax, knowing he will use air faster if he panics.

He knows Lotor won’t kill him.

He knows that Lotor thinks he loves him even if that love is fucked up.

He knows Lotor will let him up when he needs to breathe.

So he sits and waits, looking up at Lotor’s face looking down at him. Lotor’s face is completely expressionless.

It is almost peaceful for a moment, the muted sounds of water around him, the feeling of Lotor’s strength holding him down.

Then his lungs start to burn. What is bearable at first quickly becomes terrible and Keith begins to panic again. He taps Lotor’s hand, hoping to signal to him that the joke is going too far, that he needs to come up.

Lotor presses down harder.

Keith’s insides are on fire now and he knows it isn’t long until his body forces him to take a breath. He begins thrashing again, movements uncoordinated this time, struggling against the unmovable force that is Lotor’s hand.

Then his body forces him to take a breath and it hurts, it hurts so much. He is choking without any relief, arching his back, sobbing.

It is excruciating as he desperately reaches for the air he so desperately needs. It is so close, just a foot or two out of range, but Lotor has a hand on each shoulder now, pinning his back to the bottom of the tub and he can’t break free. 

And then it is over. Another tortured attempt or two to breath and then he is rapidly losing consciousness. As he drifts, things start to feel peaceful again. He isn’t sure if he is in shock or maybe his brain is releasing whatever chemicals make you feel good when you are dying. But, now it doesn’t seem to matter that he is dying. He closes his eyes and sinks down in the warm darkness of the water, the only thing still tethering him to the world being Lotor’s firm hand on his chest. 

He lets go as nebulas explode behind his eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, thanks for reading everyone. It has been fun and I hope you enjoyed...
> 
> JK it isn't over. Spoiler warning, but Keith isn't really dead. 
> 
> Also, I have a weird...borderline fetish for Keith in Lotor's armor and like, this is the ONLY fan art I can find of it. Thank you, yu15red15 and I borderline want to commission someone to make more just for me :p 
> 
>  
> 
> [Keith in Lotor's Armor](https://yu15red15.tumblr.com/post/164135763459)  
> [This Lotor with Keith in Marmora outfits is pretty damned awesome too. Technically, it could happen.](http://cherryandsisters.tumblr.com/post/166400533699/one-outcast-to-another-hey-a-girl-can-dream)


	3. He Tore my Clothes Right Off

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Lotor and Keith have a conversation that doesn't quite go the way Keith expects. Also, a special visitor.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this took so long to get out. It has been a rough semester and this chapter became much bigger than I originally planned. It shouldn't take quite so long for a new chapter to come out.  
> Thanks again for all the comments, kudos, views, etc :)
> 
> Also, I am trying to figure out if I need to trigger warn anything in this chapter. Like, if you have read the rest of the chapters this is pretty on par with those though.

It is an all too familiar sensation now.

Losing consciousness and then waking up in Lotor’s bed, the bed Keith supposes is his too if the toothbrush in the bathroom means anything.

The charade seems more grotesque to him now, even compared to when Lotor had stabbed him. Keith curls up in a ball, hugging himself. He remains in the bed for a few moments, eyes closed. He thinks about being back at the Castle and wonders what everyone is doing. He fantasizes back to when things were simpler and he was just the red paladin and they had no idea Lotor even existed.

But, he knows he can’t stay here forever. He has to come up with a plan, even if that plan is to survive until he can come up with a better plan.

Maybe playing along with Lotor is the better strategy, just for now.

He opens his eyes, expecting to see an empty room. He is surprised to see Lotor sitting beside the bed though. He is facing away so Keith can only see his back and the profile of his face. He is leaned back in the chair with one hand underneath his chin and the other across his body. He seems deep in thought and, for a brief moment, Keith wonders if he could get the drop on him and strangle him or something.

“I believe things have gone a bit too far, haven’t they?”

Lotor breaks the silence and, really, Keith should have known. Lotor is pretty much in control right now. Keith never imagined he would feel so thoroughly imprisoned without any actual bars in front of him.  

“You _believe_ things have gone a _bit_ too far? You think?” He can’t stop himself from replying sarcastically and the “play along with Lotor” strategy is out the window immediately.  “Why don’t you just kill me or do whatever else you have planned for me?”

“Do you really think I want you dead?”

“You have literally tried to kill me twice. And don’t give me that bullshit about being near a healing pod so it doesn’t really count. You don’t do that to someone you…” Keith cuts off.

“Someone you?”

Lotor finally turns to face him, swinging his legs down and rotating his body. Keith doesn’t respond.

“I found out who your parents are and what happened to them.”

It is so outside of what Keith expects to hear that he stumbles over the words. They don’t quite make sense to him.

“Do you want to know now or…?”

Keith takes a deep breath. “I don’t believe you. I don’t believe a thing you will tell me or have told me.” It isn’t that Keith really thinks Lotor is a liar, per se. He is very good at technically telling the truth. But, everything he says or does has an ulterior motive. He creates situations and either gives or withholds information to produce some kind of desired result or benefit for himself. Lotor wouldn’t be telling him about his parents without some kind of reason for doing so, a reason that would benefit him, some kind of result needing to be produced in Keith. He would manipulate the facts to produce that result even if he didn’t outright lie.  Keith would even guess that whatever he found out somehow helps him. If not, Lotor would never be telling him.  

And Keith is curious to know about his parents, he really is. But, that promise had been made by Lotor when he still trusted Lotor. The information already feels dirty, tainted to him.

Lotor nods and stares at him just long enough for Keith to start to feel uncomfortable.  

“What do you think I mean when I say we are bonded?”

Keith huffs. “Some kind of soulmate bullshit invented by whatever the equivalent of Hallmark is for the Galra about being meant for one another, but it actually means nothing because soulmates don’t really exist.”

“So you doubt that our bond is tangible? Can you not feel me sometimes?”

Keith is silent, because it is true. Sometimes it feels like he is feeling emotions that aren’t his. Sometimes he even feels muddled, hazy when he is close to Lotor. Sometimes he forgets the situation he is in.  

It scares him more than Lotor hurting him in other ways.

“I will take your silence to mean that yes, you do.” Lotor smiles.

“Can it be reversed?”

“Reversed is probably not the word I would use. People can fall out of love, in your terms.”

“Then we shouldn’t still be bonded.”

Lotor laughs. “Maybe we haven’t fallen out of love yet.”

“You forced this on me. That drink you gave me or some weird Galran shit that you conveniently didn’t explain beforehand…”

“You cannot force it on someone. It does not work that way.”

“You did to me.”

“No. There is no way to force it. It can only happen when the feelings are mutual and willingly given.”

“This is such a load of bullshit. Am I supposed to believe that you ever cared about me?”

“I have never lied to you about my feelings for you. Listen, Keith. You are seeing this as a one-way street, as something I forced on you. But, it goes both ways.”

“Both ways…”

“I can feel you too. You can influence me too. We are connected. And I would like for you to mind meld with me.”

Keith can’t stop himself from snorting. “No way. Do you think anyone wants to peek inside your fucked up head or that I want you in mine?”

Lotor stands up and Keith hates that he wants to cower away. He can still feel Lotor’s hands on his body, the pain of suffocating, water filling his lungs.

“Are you scared you won’t be able to handle it?”

Keith’s anger flares.

“It is a two-way street, Keith. Aren’t there answers you want to know? I won’t be able to deceive you there. Maybe it will allow us to understand one another better.”

Keith considers. He knows that there is a reason for Lotor suddenly wanting to do this. There is something he is hiding or not telling Keith. And, frankly, he did not want to go anywhere near Lotor’s headspace.

He assumes that Lotor might be looking for Voltron information which, quite unfortunately, he already knows everything Keith knows. He had been in the lions and Keith himself didn’t know that much more about how they work or how Allura uses her magic. Lotor himself might know more with his mother and Altean background. Keith can’t even tell Lotor where Voltron is right now.

There is a deeper worry that Lotor may use this to manipulate him more though.  

Lotor has a facial expression that lets him know that this is one of those non-negotiable things though. Keith assumes that, one way or another, this is going to happen.  

So he follows Lotor to a small training room, mostly bare except for a big mat on the ground. The mind meld devices are sharper, angrier versions of the Altean one. The prongs look like claws.

He sits down on the mat across from Lotor and puts it on, reluctantly.  

With Voltron, the mind meld activities aren’t something that Keith particularly enjoys at first, but it isn’t so bad. It is even comforting after a while. He likes to think of their team as being connected and, after practice, they can even begin to sense each other in battle.

He hopes the practice will help against whatever Lotor has planned. He doubts Lotor does this as much as Voltron does. Keith had even practiced projecting specific images that he wants people to see and defending against the members of Voltron who are prone to snooping from digging into his head.

 _Thank you Hunk for being so nosy_ , Keith thinks to himself.  

Keith assures himself that this process isn’t a mind control one anyway. You can see and feel, but not take over. Or so he hopes.

Mind melding with Lotor is completely different than with Voltron, right from the start. Rather than the somewhat disorientating, but otherwise comforting glow that he gets from Voltron, Lotor is glass and pain. Sharp edges poke at Keith’s mind. He isn’t sure if it is the “bond” or whatever, but it is also much more powerful than anything he experienced with Voltron. He feels weighed down, like the gravity in the room just increased and he is being pressed into the ground.

Keith braces himself, trying desperately to focus. He looks over at Lotor who seems unaffected. There is also a hazy glow surrounding him, like when movies are trying to depict something in a dream. Keith grits his teeth. No one had ever glowed in Voltron before either.   

Keith glares at the smiling Lotor.

“Ok, shall we get started? Ask me anything.”

“Were you telling the truth about what happened with Kolivan?”

“Yes. My generals came across him accidentally. I am not even sure who attacked first. A fight broke out and he lost. It was not a targeted attack. We did not assassinate him. He was a good ally and I regret that it worked out that way.”

For most of his answer, Keith can somehow feel honesty even though he knows that isn’t something you can physically feel. The hazy glow surrounding Lotor feels open, genuine. However, there is one jagged edge, a snag.

“Almost true. Which part did you lie about?”

Lotor rolls his eyes and shrugs. “I was being diplomatic. I don’t really regret that he is dead and he wasn’t my ideal ally at all. His combination of idealistic and a slave to following rules was terrible.”

_Truth_

Keith nods slowly, still reeling a bit from the strength of the connection. Gathering himself, he presses forward. “What are you drugging me with?”

Lotor blinks and looks surprised.

“Really? You didn’t think I would notice?”

“Fine. The actual name is long and boring. It is basically a sedative. I didn’t give you any last night. It should wear off in the next day or two.”

_Truth_

“I don’t know why you are giving me such a dirty look. It is perfectly safe. I even took it when I was a teenager to sleep.”

Another jagged edge, a lie.

“Something in there was a lie. Not all of it, but some.”   

“That isn’t really a lie,” Lotor says more to himself than Keith, looking up at the ceiling.

“It is safe…”

_Truth_

“but I took it to help with my moods in addition to sleep.”

Another edge.

“You are still lying about something.”

Lotor sighs. “Fine. I didn’t take it willingly. Dear mom and dad prescribed it to me to keep me in line. Sometimes my mom would watch while one of her men pinned me down and injected me with it.”

_Truth_

Keith picks at the mat they are sitting on. He can’t stop himself from asking his next question. “Did you only start flirting with me because you wanted to use me?”

Keith knows the answer is yes before he asks it.

Lotor confirms his beliefs. “Yes.”

_Truth_

“But my plan ultimately failed because I ended up actually liking you. My life would be easier if I didn’t.”  

_Also the Truth_

Keith wants to stop. He doesn’t want to hear this.

“My turn. Keith, if you really hate me so much right now, then why do you care if I genuinely love you or not?”

“That is a dumb question.”

“Then it should be an easy answer.”

He knows what Lotor is trying to get at, but that isn’t why Keith cares, or at least he tells himself he doesn’t really care if Lotor actually loves him or not. Keith just needs to know, for sure, if he can use Lotor’s emotions against him. If it is a two-way street like Lotor claims.

Lotor raises an eyebrow. “Ok fine, how about this one. Do you love Lance?”

Keith doesn’t answer.

Keith feels something digging in his brain. It is like a needle piercing to the core of his head. Keith winces, battling against it, thinking of boring classes from the Garrison, about nature documentaries, about trying to divide large numbers in his head.  

Lotor smirks. “You…do love him. But you aren’t in love with him. It is a crush, like a teenager would have. A childish, undeveloped thing. You have never had sex with him. You haven’t even kissed.”

Lotor looks smug. Keith clenches his hands into fists, doubling down on trying to protect his mind.    

“Did you plan to kill Lance when you caught him sneaking into your ship?”

“Yes. I was going to kill him and then pretend like some of my father’s people did it.”

_Truth_

Experimenting, Keith tries to dig into Lotor’s head. It is a strange feeling, one he had sometimes felt with Voltron, but not often.

Keith gets a flash of a memory, or maybe just a foiled plan. Acxa shooting Lance in the head, putting his body in a pod, then blowing it up. “How…how could you plan to do that to someone like Lance…”

“He is a detriment to my long-term goals and plans. It isn’t personal. I also consider him to be a rival. That part is personal.”

“Lance can’t be your rival. There is no competition. He is better than you.”

“In some ways, he might be. But you still found yourself in my bed and not his.”

The pressure builds and Keith is having trouble thinking. What else should he ask Lotor? He feels like he is letting an opportunity slip through his fingers. He should be asking more about Lotor’s plans, Zarkon, something. But he can barely keep himself upright right now.  

There is a beeping noise.

“This is getting boring, isn’t it? Why don’t we try something different?”

Suddenly Keith is standing with Lotor beside him. He swallows when he sees himself and Lotor also still somehow sitting down in the room, mind meld devices on.

Keith had vaguely known deeper mind melds are possible. He had never realized it could be like an out-of-body experience though.   

“I don’t want to do this,” Keith spits out.

“Come on. Aren’t you curious?”

Keith blinks and turns as he hears a noise to his side. What he sees beside him is not the training room at all, but rather a completely different space. It looks nothing like anywhere on the ship. It is a house of sorts. It is difficult to focus though and the image shifts before his eyes. He looks back at Lotor, but the training room isn’t there at all anymore.

Keith shivers, weighed down by an immense weight, something that feels cold and sad. The room before him shivers a bit, like it is a dream and Keith supposes it is. He steps closer, squinting. The image before him solidifies and takes shape. It is a bedroom with a big open window looking out into the night sky. There are tons of stars. When the shimmering image settles, he can also see a bed. He steps even closer.

On the bed is a child with shoulder-length white-blonde hair and purple skin.

Lotor.  

In a different situation, it would be endearing to see the man he knows now as a pre-teen, looking up at the stars. He looks more innocent than Keith could have ever imagined him being.

But it isn’t a different situation. Keith rolls his eyes. There is a reason Lotor is showing him this. Keith isn’t sure what Lotor hopes to gain from it though. To prove to Keith that, at one point in time, he wasn’t a monster? That he likes the stars too?  

Keith tries to keep some of his energy focused on the desert and not even the interesting parts. If Lotor wants to poke around his head, then he can rot in the desert like Keith did for a year.

The small Lotor before him suddenly turns and looks and Keith jumps. He isn’t expecting the memories to be able to see him.

“Mom?” Lotor says. Suddenly, an overwhelming, oppressive force enters the room. Keith doesn’t see anything, but he knows he has to get out. His blood runs cold, his head hurts, and the child Lotor before him freezes unnaturally, a scared look on his face.

Keith is paralyzed with the young Lotor, trapped by whatever had just seeped into the room. Keith vaguely tries to wake himself up. There should be a way to pull himself out of this situation.

Then, he is abruptly torn backwards.

Still reeling from the moment, he finds himself in a dining room. The same small Lotor, Haggar, and Zarkon sit around a table, eating.

“Oh fuck off with your domestic bullshit,” he yells, wondering if Lotor can hear him.

Something still feels dark and cold though. Keith leans over, putting his arms around his stomach. He feels nauseous, like he might vomit.

Suddenly, the scene melts before his eyes. It is like a picture being burned, except with real people. The flesh burns off their faces, dripping down to the table, and they stare at him with gaping faces.

Keith gags and runs out of the room. There is a hallway that leads to a room with a light on. He tries to walk past the room, but the door swings open, stopping him. It is a young Lotor again in a crimson room. It looks painted with blood.  

“Father, will you show me how to do it?”

Keith watches, full of apprehension. There is no response. The silence is somehow worse than anything else and Keith, again, tries to claw himself awake. He is officially done with being in Lotor’s head.  

Then the small Lotor walks by him, dropping a dagger that looks surprisingly like Keith’s as he does. Not thinking, Keith leans over and picks it up. As he opens his hand to look at the dagger, he sees instead a large black and red centipede wriggling in his hand. He screams and throws it, sprinting out of the room. He forces himself to stop after a few steps though, feeling foolish. If Lotor is trying to scare him, then he needs to do better than something Keith might have seen in the desert.

He passes by another room with a light on, but forces his way through yet another door that is dark and possibly even locked. He forces it open with a kick. He is done seeing what Lotor wants him to see. This door opens to a narrow, dark tunnel. Keith walks along it slowly, rubbing his hand along the side of the tunnel. He wants to be out of Lotor’s head. The pressure is tremendous. It is becoming more and more difficult for him to focus on anything, let alone trying to wake himself up or block Lotor from certain parts of his mind.  

The twisting and turning tunnel turns into a thorny path. He is outside suddenly with what might be a moon looming in the sky above him. It is still dead silent.

He continues walking for an amount of time that might be a minute or might be years. The path grows thorny and narrow, digging into his sides as he forces his way through. He finally reaches a clearing where there is a blanket covering something. It looks like a body and Keith hesitates out of fear. He reminds himself that this isn’t real and pulls the blanket off in one crisp movement.  Under the blanket, he sees a very small Lotor there. This one is probably only about five years old. He is crying, cuddled up in a ball. Keith suddenly feels depressed and alone, but also angry. It is anger like he had never felt before. He knows he is going to die. That no one loves him. That he is alone. That no one understands him. These facts make him simultaneously enraged and sad.    

Keith shakes his head. These aren’t his feelings. “Stop trying to humanize yourself,” he yells.  

He looks around and picks up a rock in the clearing. Then, he returns to the child Lotor, lifting the rock above his head, ready to kill this pathetic version of Lotor. As he brings the rock down onto his head, everything shatters, including himself.

There are quickfire images as Keith breaks into a million little pieces. A purple wolf-like creature, bleeding. Someone vomiting. A lightning whip. Dying flowers. A Galra corpse.

Keith feels like he is dying, like his very being is cracking. Somehow these memories feel like his own but not. He forgets that he is trying to wake up. He melts into the background, forgetting that he hasn’t always been here. He watches himself split into tiny little jagged pieces.   

A hand on his shoulder pulls him out. It is Lotor, he thinks. Maybe even the actual Lotor.

“Keith, I am sorry. I didn’t think it would get that bad.”

They are standing in the dark now. Just empty, never-ending dark as far as Keith can see. Keith is whole again.

He despairs, imagining that this is his new reality.  

“Your memories or dreams or whatever those were are pathetic,” Keith says.  

“Really? Yours are actually quite amusing.”

Keith is suddenly back at the Garrison. A red-headed boy confronts him after class. He answers a question about Kerberos in class and Keith had called him out on it. Keith can’t handle it. He punches him. It hurt. It felt good.  

That boy isn’t the last time. There are others.  

“My, what a temper,” Lotor laughs.  

“None of this matters. So I got in some fights…”

“On the contrary. I think it matters quite a bit.”

Images are forced into his mind, breaking noses, blood, bruises. The crack of his fist against someone’s face. More than one of them had cried afterward.

Keith knows who he is though.

The next is harder though. An empty house, a confused younger Keith. Looking at the window for people who will never come home.

Keith forces his way deeper into the darkness, away from Lotor. He feels violated, again. Lotor is always finding new ways to violate him. He runs into the abyss, screaming at his body, clawing at his mind to wake up. He doesn’t want to be in Lotor’s head anymore. He doesn’t want to be in his own head anymore. Angry, nervous energy grows in his core, flames licking up his body. Some part of him still feels shattered and out of control.  

Then he is suddenly back in the training room. Panting, he reaches up to take the device off his head.

However, the form in front of him looks different from Lotor. It is bigger, bulkier, wearing heavier armor. Keith freezes, looking more closely.

Zarkon.

The emperor stands before him, staring at him.

He gasps, falling backward, reaching for the bayard he doesn’t have, for the dagger that Lotor took from him. He claws at the ground, trying to find anything that might help him defend himself.

Zarkon steps forward, reaching for him and Keith yells angrily, not even able to form words. He punches at him, trying to scramble backward, unable to gain his feet underneath him.

Zarkon is physically impressive, so much bigger than Keith who suddenly feels more vulnerable than ever. Zarkon is someone he might not be able to beat at top form, let alone how he feels now, drugged, weapon-less, and straight out of the nightmare that is his son’s head.

He wonders if Lotor had set this up, if all of this is just some weird, bizarre joke that ends with Zarkon killing him here.   

Then Zarkon reaches forward, grabbing him and forcing him closer. Keith battles, pushing, trying to get a good punch in. He wonders if Zarkon is going to smother him or snap his neck.  

But Zarkon keeps pulling, forcing his head onto his chest, stroking his hair.

Then Keith realizes he is being hugged.

He stills. It is a few moments into being stroked that he realizes he must still be in the device somehow. In Lotor’s mind.   

“Keith, really, do you think I would let my dad kill you, ever? If anyone kills you, it will be me. I promise you that.”

Keith closes his eyes.

“You act all complicated and mysterious, but are you really this simple? All you want is a hug from your dad?” Keith laughs even as he is pulled even tighter into Zarkon’s arms.  

“Like you are any better. All of your issues stem because mommy and daddy left you. It is so tired an archetype that it is almost a joke.”

Keith is suddenly exhausted. “Maybe we are both pathetic,” he responds finally, sighing into Zarkon’s chest.   

And then suddenly he is ripped away again. This time, he sees himself. He is walking, laughing, tossing his hair back. There is a soft white glow around him. His hair looks shiny, his eyes are glowing, his smile is wide and laugh musical.

“I don’t look like that…” Keith mutters.

He feels something fond, but fearful at the same time.

Something tender and delicate envelopes him.   

And Keith’s heart is beating so hard.

_A resolution. To pursue. To love. To possess._

The scene flips again and he sees himself absolutely massacring the steak that Lotor had given him.

_Desire. Fluttering red blooms of energy._

Then he sees himself taking down a guardian in the Castle training room. He is intense, eyes focused and determined. His movements look graceful, but powerful.  Then he is on a battlefield, swinging his blade. Wiping blood off his face. Sneering. Locking eyes with Lotor.

_Pride. Lust. Passion._

Laughing at a joke. Adjusting his gloves when he thinks no one is looking. Smiling softly.

_Fear. Love._

Keith’s chest feels like it is going to burst. He doesn’t want to see or feel this. He doesn’t want to see all these little moments. It is tender and familiar and sweet and awful. Like a lie, but somehow worse if it isn’t.

He tries to claw himself awake again, willing his arms to move, to rip off the head piece.

The next scene makes his heart beat even faster.  

He sees himself spreading his legs in Lotor’s bed. He arches his back, smiling at Lotor. Everything feels so good and so right. He watches Lotor pull him close, push inside of him, pressing kisses to his sweating body.

It is the night they first made love.

 _Had sex. Fucked,_ Keith corrects himself.  

He swears he can see the energy inside them, swirling, separate but reacting to one another as their bodies move together.  Lotor asks if he can bite him. He watches himself say yes and then sees it happen, Lotor’s teeth at his neck.

What Keith had before dismissed as a kink is far more intimate than he could have ever imagined. Whatever weird current of energy lay beneath his skin slips into Lotor. It is beautiful and terrifying.

Lotor cuddles him afterward. He can see it all. How their hearts no longer beat separately.

And Keith’s body is on fire. He feels like he drank gallons of whatever aphrodisiac he had taken that night.

He writhes, losing himself in the feeling, in the memory, the overwhelming heat, slipping deeper into the moment.

His moans. His skin. Lotor looming over him.

_Mine._

Lotor kissing a line down his back.  

_Mine._

Love and desire so strong that Keith shakes.  

_Mine._

It is possession. He was claiming Keith, leaving a scar on him that will never go away.  

_His._

Keith moans and whimpers, forgetting where he is and what is happening.  

He wakes up to the sensation of Lotor ripping the device off his head.

He finally opens his eyes for real, finally escaping, seeing that he never left the room they were originally in at all.

He is on his back and Lotor is on top of him, kissing him, one hand on his head and the other slipping down his stomach.

Keith lets him for a minute, lets him kiss him, lets his tongue in his mouth, lets him slip a hand down his pants.

He feels helpless.

But he isn’t helpless.

He is a paladin. He is a member of the Blade. He is Keith.

And giving up isn’t something he does.  

Keith wraps his hand around Lotor’s throat.  

“You think you own me because I let you fuck me? Bite me?”

Lotor smirks at him. “You are so hard right now. Doesn’t seem like you disagree.”

Keith growls, drunkenly pushing Lotor off him and then, almost as if watching himself do it, he twists Lotor around, shoving him to his knees and then pushing his head down to the mat. He rips Lotor’s pants down. He is dizzy, gone, moving on instinct. And there is one thing his instinct is telling him to do right now.

He stops abruptly when it becomes real, when he realizes he is fingering Lotor open, when he comprehends the fact that he is about to have sex with him again.

He pauses, panting loudly.  

“What’s the matter? Too much of a coward to finish the job?” Lotor taunts.  

He doesn’t want to be a slave to his instincts, but there is only so much he can do. He wants so much right now. He wants to fuck. He wants Lotor underneath him. He pushes inside him a moment later and it is heavenly. Some primal part deep inside him awakens and rejoices. It is the best Keith has felt in so long. He feels no obligation to be gentle either. He pushes Lotor’s head into the ground and lets his instinct take over. He drags Lotor’s hips to meet his thrusts, reveling in the sound when Lotor finally loses his composure.  

Something is wrong though and he can’t quite figure it out. Something is just eluding him. But, his mind is hazy and all he can do is push harder, goaded on by Lotor’s cries underneath him.

And he can’t help himself when he sees Lotor’s long, flowing hair bouncing just in front of him. He grabs a handful of it, pulling back hard.

“Do it,” Lotor pants out.

Keith knows what he wants. He drags Lotor backward even further and then bites him, savagely. Everything immediately whites out as Keith explodes.  

He comes to a moment later, draped over Lotor’s body that had collapsed onto the ground.   

The haze clears just enough for Keith to regret biting him. Regret fucking him. Regret a lot of things.

He picks himself up a bit, looking down at Lotor. Lotor’s shirt had been pushed upward, exposing most of his back. In confusion, he sees something that shouldn’t be there.

There are tons of scars crossing the expanse of his back.  There are some big, broad, deep ones. Others are more delicate and small, though more numerous in number.  All together, the scars are overwhelming. Keith isn’t even sure what would cause such extensive scarring, but he knows at some point someone hurt Lotor to make this happen. Someone hurt him a lot.

He doesn’t understand. He had seen Lotor naked before so why he hadn’t seen them then? His skin had been clear, flawless.  

He reaches out and touches them, dragging a hand down Lotor’s back, lightly scraping his claws against the mangled purple skin.

His claws.

Keith gasps, holding his hands in front of his face. Without a doubt, he had claws now, long claws and deformed hands. He stares, trying to make sense of what he is seeing.

He barely hears Lotor laughing underneath him.

“Keith, you like to pretend you are better than me or that we are different somehow, but really, we are one and the same. Completely the same.” And he laughs, a smug, knowing sound.

Keith jumps up and runs out of the room blindly, hearing Lotor’s laugh following him.

He runs and runs, finding no open doors, not even knowing exactly what he wants to find, a mirror to confirm his worst fears, or a ship, or maybe a different type of escape.

The only door that opens is the one to the bedroom which he cannot make himself enter. He cannot return to that awful place right now.

He feels himself edging closer to what some may call a panic attack, breathing too fast, heart beating rapidly, panic taking him over. He clenches his fist and then panics when he feels a prick of pain from the foreign claws on his hand.

He runs sporadically down endless hallways until finally sinking to the ground, back against a wall and clutching his hands to his chest. He puts his head on his knees and finally gives in to the overwhelming panic exploding in his chest.  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this is my first time ever writing Zarkon into one of my stories which, in hindsight, is kind of weird?


	4. He Ate My Heart Then He Ate My Brain

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Keith learns some truths and makes a potentially bad decision

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, friends   
> I am trying to decide what to do with this fic because I will full on admit that it is not going to be done next chapter. I am not sure if I want to just lengthen Monster for a few chapters or make a new continuation in the series. I know it doesn't matter that much. It is just that the next "step" feels like a new phase after Chapter 5, but at the same time I don't think I will need five more chapters to finish it. 
> 
> Anyway, I do have a very definitive ending planned though and I feel like people aren't going to like it lol. It just feels right though. 
> 
> Anyway, thanks for reading :)

“Keith?”

There is a hand on his shoulder.

“Keith, are you hurt? Do you need help?”

He is still in the hallway, head on his knees. He is slowly calming down, coming back to himself, but also really grateful that the voice is not Lotor’s.

There is a moment of silence before he feels someone trying to pick him up.

“Stop!” he squirms out of Ezor’s arms.

“I thought you were hurt.” She crosses her arms and looks at him. “Want to have a slumber party?”

“What?” He stands shakily.

“Come to my room.”

Keith sits there. It isn’t that he doesn’t understand what she is saying, but it is difficult to focus, to figure out what his response should be.

“Come to my room and, you know, get away from it all for a little while?” Her eyes flicker to the side and Keith gets what she is saying.

“Fine.”   
He follows her through a few dark hallways, finally reaching a locked door that opens with a badge she flashes out of nowhere.

“Extra security, you know…” Ezor says and Keith wonders if he is the reason for the extra security.

The inside of the room is cozy. The Galra normally have dark and militaristic aesthetics. It is something that even the Blade had adopted. Keith appreciates, or at least one time he did, that Lotor stepped away from it, choosing other colors, decorating his rooms in lighter colors. It felt homier.  

Ezor’s room is actually very feminine and Keith has to smile to himself about that. The bed looks soft with a ruffled, purple comforter, but not the harsh Galra purple. Rather, a soft lilac. There is a TV on one wall that has some kind of sitcom playing. Or, at least Keith assumes that is what is playing. There is a laugh track going and a vaguely familial group of aliens in some restaurant.

There are little discs around the room that he knows from Allura are the space equivalent of scented candles. There is also a waist-high pillar in the middle of the room with a dome at the top. He has no idea what it does, but doesn’t wonder about it for very long before his eyes fall on the desk sitting against one of the walls. There are small throwing knives and stars with a sharpener beside them.

Keith licks his lips, turning when Ezor puts a hand on his shoulder.

“Do you want to take a bath? You smell really bad…”

Keith pales and pulls away.

“Ok, wait, sorry. Not a bath. A shower? Also…”

She walks away and rummages around in a drawer built into the side of the wall.

“Here,” she finally says and holds out his clothes.

_His_ clothes. His actual clothing. Not armor, not something Lotor put him in. But his pants and his shirt and his boxer briefs.

“I couldn’t find your belt or dagger…I’m sorry. But I did find these and your shoes are in my closet…”

“It’s fine. Thank you, Ezor.”

Keith grabs his actual clothes, cradling them to his body and walking into her bathroom. He bypasses the bath tub and uses the shower. He isn’t picky about products and slathers on whatever she has lying around. He can already tell he will smell vaguely fruity for the next day though and his hair feels fluffier than normal even while still wet.

Nevertheless, he feels better once showering, spending perhaps too much time staring down at the drain and watching the water disappearing down the hole. He imagines he is washing Lotor off his skin, his presence draining down into that dark space and away from Keith.  

Ezor is waiting for him, sitting on the bed and watching the TV show when he is done. Keith walks over to the pillar in the middle of the room. It reminds him of some bizarre movie prop where a sorcerer would use this to see the future or focus their energy or something.

“What is this?” he asks.

Ezor blushes just a little. “It is an expensive add-on Lotor agreed to let me have. Do you guys have diffusers?”

Keith racks his brain. It sounded somewhat familiar, but for some reason he can’t immediately remember what that word refers to.  

“Here, I will show you.” She leans over and opens a panel at the bottom of the pillar. Keith takes the chance and steps to the side, grabbing one of the throwing knives and slipping it into his boxers.

She straightens abruptly and Keith moves away from the desk as casually as possible. Suddenly, a gentle smell spreads across the room.

“Oh, like, a scent thing.”

She nods.

“I like this one. It moisturizes your skin at the same time as smelling nice.”

Keith nods.

It is a bit awkward. He isn’t sure what to do now, if he is allowed to leave, if he wants to leave.

She pats the bed beside her. He sits.

“What is Earth like? Is it all like that movie you showed us?”

“Uh, the _Lion King_? Well, animals are usually just animals…”

She smacks his arm lightly. “I know that. I meant the scenery.”

“Some places look like that, yes. But Earth is very big and diverse. There are lots of different types of terrains. I lived in the desert for a while which is basically dirt and plants that can prick you. But it is a very different type of desert than the one you saw in the movie.”

“Do you miss it?”

Keith is quiet. “I miss certain things about it, like steak and my hover bike. But, I didn’t have a lot of family or connections there. My only real family is up in space with me now.”

She nods.

“What…what about you? Did you enlist or…?”

Even Keith can see he stepped in something sensitive. She immediately curls up.

“We can change the subject.”

“My planet blew up. A Zarkon thing. Imagine my surprise when his son swooped in to help me. Everything I would miss is gone.”

“Ezor…I am sorry.”

“It’s whatever. I am over it. It isn’t like my life was great on my home planet anyway. It never is for Galra half-breeds. I didn’t lose family or anything.”

Keith is about to ask more about that when she reaches out and takes his hand.

“Will you take me to Earth one day? Maybe where the kitties live? Or take me on your hover bike?”

“Sure.” He tries to smile, but he is lying and they both know it.  

“Things are a bit complicated now aren’t they?” she sighs and lays back on the bed.  

“Things don’t seem complicated to me at all. You guys pretended to be my friend and now you are imprisoning me while pretending not to do so.”

She sits back up abruptly, wide-eyed.

“Keith, I am not pretending to be your friend. I am your friend. But there is stuff going on that you don’t know about.”

“Like what?”

“It isn’t just about you…things in general are really complex right now with everything that is happening with the Galra and you don’t know because you have been in here for so long which is our fault but it all made sense when Lotor explained it and now Zarkon is awake and lots of stuff is happening…”

“What has changed in 3 or 4 days?”

Ezor sits back up and looks at him a bit too seriously.  

“Keith, how long do you think you have been here?”

“It has only been…” he freezes.

It has only felt like a few days. However, some of that time was spent in a pod. A pod that he knows from experience could keep someone under for longer than just the time needed to heal.  

Panic rises in his throat. “How long have I been here, Ezor?”

He imagines years having passed somehow.

“Answer me, how long has it been?” He grabs her arm tightly.

“Relax, it hasn’t been that long. But it has been 2-3 months…”

It is bad, but not as bad as he previously imagined. Still, months of his life are gone.

“So you guys keep me under until Lotor wants to play with me? Then stick me back in? Is that how it is?” His hand itches toward the knife he stole.  

She is silent.

Panic bubbles again. Months is a long time. He stops reaching for the knife though.

“Is Voltron…ok? Are they ok?”

“Yes. They are fine. Listen, you will have to leave soon. He wants you to sleep in your bedroom. I am worried…Keith…just understand that things are complicated.”

There is a knock on the door that reveals a grim-faced Acxa and Zethrid when Ezor opens it.

“We need to get him back,” Acxa says.  

He is escorted back to the bedroom he has come to hate. He considers trying to fight, but it doesn’t feel like the right time, not when he doesn’t know where Lotor is, not with all three of them. Part of him regrets not attacking Ezor back in her room when she was vulnerable.

After Keith is guided back to the bedroom, he is alone for a long time. It is his longest time being alone and awake in the ship. The room is locked and none of his attempts to break free work. The walls are sturdy and the only window he finds would take him straight out to space.

Food somehow appears when he wakes up every morning though. A Tv of sorts also appears one day. Keith assumes someone is trying to be nice to him. He spends his time worrying, about Voltron, about his friends, about what is happening while he is stuck, about why Lotor and his generals have been gone for so long. He wonders if they are even still on the ship.  

He spends some of the time thinking about the best place to hide the knife he stole from Ezor’s desk. He is afraid to put it anywhere but on his body, but he knows that he has a tendency to lose consciousness around Lotor and wake up naked. He ends up putting it in his boots, wishing his clothes had better spots to hide a knife.

He also tries to come up with a plan. He knows he needs to make a move, to attack Lotor for real next time or maybe the weakest general. Which, who he considers the weakest general changes depending on Keith’s mood, though he knows he has the best chance of surprising Ezor. He does feel more like himself so apparently Lotor is not lying about stopping the sedative that made him so weak before. He has a chance now if he does decide to attack.  

Keith is just about to start worrying that something had happened that led to him being forgotten when the door finally swings open and he sees his first live person in a long time. Acxa is standing there, looking terrible. She looks exhausted and not in the mood for Keith seeing as her gun is already drawn. She tells him that Lotor needs to see him in the training room. He considers attacking her, but something stays his hand. He knows it isn’t the right moment.

He enters a training room, similar but larger than the one they used for the mind meld. Lotor is facing away from him. Keith stands, waiting for him to make his move, wondering what would happen this time. He can feel Lotor’s emotions swirling like a storm and it makes him even warier. It is when Lotor feels like this that he is the most unpredictable.

He finally turns and Keith is surprised to see bags under his eyes. He looks tired, drawn. His hair doesn’t even look at smooth and shiny as usual. He isn’t used to seeing Lotor as anything but smugly put together.  

He has two blades in his hands, one being Keith’s dagger. Keith is immediately angry and considers charging him, dragging it out of his hands. He is surprised when Lotor places it on the ground and kicks it over to him.

Keith warily picks it up, watching Lotor closely. Whatever sedative they had been feeding him had worn off. He feels great, if not a bit out of practice. Keith is grateful to feel like himself again, but knows more than to trust whatever is happening here. He can’t figure out why Lotor would withdraw the drugs that made him helpless and then also arm him.  

Part of him feels like maybe it is time to fight for his life once and for all. That Lotor would not be arming him for any other reason. That this is it.

“Spar with me? Or, try to kill me if you can,” Lotor says, starting to circle around Keith.

Keith circles as well, staring at him.

“Do you want to know about your parents?”

“I thought we were sparring.”

“We can do both.”

Keith rushes Lotor. He dreams of it, of shoving his dagger turned into a sword through his body. Of not taking him to a healing pod afterward.

But, even as he rushes Lotor, he realizes that charging blindly is not the right tactic to use with an opponent like Lotor. He easily parries him, dipping his shoulder, pushing Keith to the side with a punishing smack against his shoulder while moving away.

“Is the sedative still in you? That was pretty bad.”

Keith turns, furious, ready to charge again.

“You were an experiment.”

He charges him again, blindly, and is again thrown off.

“Your humans bought a female Galra by the name of Glaes and impregnated her as part of a hybrid soldier experiment. Some humans and Galra are working together on experiments of that nature, even now.”

Keith turns again. “You are lying.”

“I am not. I am not sure if who you think is your dad is even really your dad. Maybe. But they weren’t in a relationship if so. She was impregnated in a laboratory, as a prisoner.”

Keith breathes deeply. He slowly approaches Lotor this time and they spar, clashing swords against one another. He isn’t winning, but he is also no longer being easily thrown to the side. It is difficult to find his footing with Lotor’s emotions swirling around him. He can’t quite calm down and find his rhythm.

“The experiments were pretty widespread. You weren’t even in the first batch. In fact, I believe they even juiced you up a bit. You are pretty strong for being so small, aren’t you? And I think your instincts are even better than mine. That isn’t just the Galra in you.”

Keith steps back, reassessing, looking for an opening.

“They were trying to breed soldiers of various types. But, the humans realized that earlier experiments lacked certain…let’s say personal skills and that some parental involvement helps. That humans without love turn into problems. So, you were actually allowed to stay with your mom for a while as a baby. She birthed you in the lab as well with a bunch of human scientists watching her. I saw pictures.”

Keith stops, disgusted. He isn’t sure what he expected, but there is a part of him that always wanted a better story than the one he is hearing. A fairytale maybe where he was wanted by his family. He can tell that Lotor is telling the truth though and that this is his reality.

“Your maybe-dad worked for those humans. Some corporation that also owns the Garrison. I honestly don’t know where he is. He seemed to ditch you at some point and fell off the map. Not sure if they killed him or what. I am also not sure why you didn’t grow up a solider or experiment. Or just eliminated when you were no longer needed. That particular program was starting to shut down, some disasters happened, and you slipped through the cracks.”

Keith doesn’t care about how he escaped though.

“She must have hated me.”

“What?”

“My mom. She must have hated me.”

Keith’s stomach turns at the thought of her being violated, strapped to a table, forced to carry a child she didn’t want. Forced to carry him.

“No, you are wrong. She loved you. Passionately. She knew it wasn’t your fault. Do you want to know how she died?”

Keith lowers his sword.

“I want to know it all.”

Lotor smiles affectionately.

“She tried to escape with you. Tried to run, to protect you. They killed her for it. I can guarantee you that the last thing she felt was regret at not being able to protect you more, Keith. There are reports that she was beaten repeatedly for trying to block the scientists from doing experiments on you. She sacrificed herself for you.”

It doesn’t make him feel better. He feels sick. He wishes that he had just been ditched like he originally thought, that his parents just didn’t want him.  

“I tried to see if you have living family on the Galra side since I know you don’t really have anyone on the human side. Unfortunately, your clan was pretty much eliminated except for some trace relatives, distant cousins and such. I found where some of them are buried though, if you want to visit. They put up a memorial in the graveyard for your mom and mentioned you on it, as Amseht. It is an old-fashioned word, a nickname that means beloved or precious baby.”

Keith snorts. It feels borderline disrespectful to think of that moniker being given to him.  

“I know it isn’t a nice story. I know you probably wanted something else. My situation is different, but I was also an experiment between my mother and father. Most of us on the team have some kind of story, some that are even similar to your own. We can help you.”

“I want to be with my friends. My real family. No one here can help me.”

He attacks again, better this time. They trade blows, both fighting within an inch of their lives, muscles straining. It is hard to focus though and there is a constant, painful buzz coming from Lotor. Keith can’t quite figure out what it is, if Lotor knows he is going to kill Keith and regrets it or if something else is causing these emotions. It is blinding, making both Keith and Lotor’s movements sloppier than normal.

There is a pause where they are circling each other again when Lotor stops moving, looking down at his own sword and twirling it in his hands.  

“I killed Narti.”

Keith freezes. “That isn’t funny.”

“Do I look like I am joking?”

“Narti…you killed her…”

“I ended her life with this very sword.”

Keith isn’t sure how to feel, struggling to process the news. He likes Narti, despite it all. She had been a friend, hadn’t she? Or had that all been pretend? He isn’t sure how to feel. He can’t deny that part of his hesitance to try to escape comes from his unwillingness to hurt any of them-Narti, Zethrid, Ezor, or even Acxa. He wonders sometimes if they are being manipulated by Lotor just like him.

But, they were complicit. They are enemies, Keith reminds himself.

But knowing she is dead hurts. Knowing that Lotor killed her hurts even more.

“Why?”

“She betrayed me. She sold me out to my parents.”

“She was your family.”

“Family doesn’t do that to each other.”

“That is a rich statement coming from you.”

“Keith, I have made mistakes with you, but…”

“Shut up. I don’t want to hear your justifications. Why did she betray you?”

Lotor is silent.

“You asshole. You didn’t even ask her why?”

“Why does it matter? Her actions have led to dire consequences for me and the rest of the team.”

“What if it was a misunderstanding? Or she was being forced? Coerced?”

“None of that matters. I had to stop the threat. You would do the same.”

“Absolutely not. Never.”

“Even if someone in Voltron…”

“Never, they are my family. I would never kill one of them.”

 “My crew is my family too. I did this to protect them, to protect them from Narti and my parents and…”

“You lost them. All of them. Maybe not right away, but eventually. You just showed them that they cannot trust you. That you would kill them in the blink of an eye.”

“So if you knew that someone in Voltron was working with Zarkon, you would just let them?”

“I would talk to them. Imprison them maybe, but talk to them. I would never kill them.”

“Never?”

“Never. I would let them kill me before hurting one of them.”

“Perhaps one day we will test that.”

“Don’t you dare talk about them that way. Don’t compare what we have with Voltron to your fucked up crew.”

Keith attacks again, swinging his sword, desperately trying to find an opening. It is hard though. They are fairly evenly matched in speed and strength. Lotor has the frustrating advantage of reach though. Keith is also feeling winded and wonders if it is a side effect of being shoved in a pod for so long and not training.

A particularly sloppy jab leaves him off-balance and Lotor takes advantage, spinning him, slipping behind him, and putting his blade to Keith’s throat.

Keith stills, closing his eyes, wondering if this is it. If he can be proud of dying this way.

“Spend the night with me?” Lotor asks.

Keith can’t stop himself from laughing. “Are you serious?”

“I miss you so much.” Lotor buries his head in the crook of Keith’s shoulder.

Keith slams his head backwards and elbows Lotor in the stomach. As he spins away, he manages to stab at Lotor, skimming his side. It is the first blood drawn in the fight.  

Lotor grins, looking down at the blood on his hand.

“I don’t care if you miss me. You should have thought about that before you tried to kill me, before you kidnapped me.” Keith rages against the emotions he feels, the ones that let him know that Lotor does, in fact, miss him. That he regrets a lot. That he is broken and it isn’t entirely his fault.

He wonders if he kills Lotor, then will the bond break? Will it hurt?  

“Do you remember the first time we sparred? I think I fell in love with you then.”

“Stop talking.”

“You were so magnificent. Strong, not afraid to get a little bloody, ready to die rather than give in or give up.”

Keith attacks him again.

“What would I have to do to make you forgive me?”

“There isn’t any coming back from what you did. Do you think I could trust you again?”

“Trust is something that can be regained.”

“You didn’t give Narti that chance.”

Lotor stiffens, leaving himself open which Keith takes advantage of, stabbing hard. Lotor’s arm is bleeding now, more than the wound on his side. The blood drips to the floor.  

Lotor sighs and throws his weapon to the ground. Keith pauses. He should be killing him right at this moment, but something about seeing the bleeding, unarmed Galra stills him. Then, Lotor slowly starts taking off his armor. He only takes off the top half, discarding the plating, leaving only a thin bodysuit underneath. He pulls that off as well, letting it hang at his waist.

There are no scars. Not a single one.

“I think that maybe you need to do to me what I have done to you. Then we will be even. Will that make you forgive me?”

Keith cautiously approaches.

Lotor puts his hands behind his head, slipping to his knees.  

Keith walks over to him, holding his blade, looking at his body, all the places he could hit to kill Lotor and end this nightmare.

He holds the blade out, pointing it at his head, then his heart, his stomach, and pauses.

Lotor closes his eyes.

Keith pulls his arm back and slams the butt of the blade into Lotor’s face. There is a satisfying crack and Keith is pretty sure at least his nose is broken.

He watches as Lotor falls back onto his back, holding his face, blood gushing. Then, he turns and walks out of the room, gripping the handle of the blade tightly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had someone imply that I must hate Lotor to write him as such a bad person and it made me feel bad, but like, no one is forcing anyone to read this fic. Also, Lotor might be my favorite character in Voltron right next to Keith and I love him :p Like, I even love him in this fic. So there :p


	5. That Boy is a Monster

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The conclusion to Keith's Captivity-Everything comes to a head and Keith finds help in an unexpected place.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oh my GOD I am sorry this took so long to update. It isn't that I am not interested in this anymore at all. It just takes me a bit longer to update this one and the chapters are long. Then it was the holidays.  
> Anyway, final chapter of Monster and I am also posting the first chapter of the final installment of the series. I will link that below.  
> Thanks so much for sticking with me and reading this. It means a lot-every view, comment, kudos, everything.

In the days that follow, Keith has plenty of time to think about everything he should have done in life, all the way back to not doing homework when he was in elementary school to not stabbing Lotor through the heart when given the chance. All of the events of his life, all the things he didn’t do and all the things he did, seem to create a trajectory of failure that leads him to his current situation. But really, maybe it started earlier than that, in a laboratory, when he was created as an unnatural experiment.

After leaving Lotor with a broken nose in the training room, he basically walks directly into an uncomfortable looking Acxa. She immediately pulls her gun on him.

He shrugs. What is she going to do? Kill him? Does he even care anymore?  

He considers charging her as she leads him back to his cage of a bedroom, but something intuitively tells him that she would, indeed, shoot him and then just stick him in a pod a second later.   

With the click of the door behind him, he is left with endless time spanning ahead of him. So he thinks. He dreams of sticking a blade through Lotor’s body and then chastises himself for it. He blames the bond for his hesitance. He calls himself a coward. He hates himself some days. Other days, he is productive and plans his escape.

He goes back to trying to get the door open by wedging his dagger in it, thankfully left with him by Acxa who seemed more concerned with just getting him back to the bedroom than anything else. He works out too. No more softness or laziness. His space is limited, but he does pushups and stretches. He tries to jog in place. He makes a pull-up bar out of one of the closet bars that once held clothes.

One morning, a file appears with his breakfast. He opens it to see a large, female Galra. With a jump, he realizes it is his mother.

He ignores the file for a few days before adding it to the routine. He works out. Tries to escape. Then, before bed, he reads the file. Or, at least part of the file. There is a report about her forced impregnation that he refuses to read. There are detached reports detailing experiments done on her. He doesn’t read those either.  

He reads and re-reads other parts though. Some observations about her interactions with him as a baby make him feel warm. He memorizes the details about her background. For some reason, he had always thought that his lineage would be warriors or soldiers.

She was a school teacher.

He wonders why a school teacher who seemed to be making a quiet life somewhere got wrapped up in being kidnapped and used in experiments on Earth. He didn’t even know that the Galra had teachers, but apparently she taught culture and history classes to the equivalent of elementary school Galra.  He wonders what type of teacher she was. He likes to think she was patient and kind. That there is some good in his blood. Though, he imagines that the Galra are not the type of species to have patient and kind teachers. Maybe she beat students for not reading or something. Maybe she drilled propaganda into their heads about the greatness of Zarkon.  

There are pictures of him as a baby, but he ignores those too. He disconnects when he sees them, unable to see the tiny baby as himself even at the same time as marveling at the fact that baby pictures of him even exist.  

The days drone on. Work out. Scratch at the door. Take a shower. Read parts of the file.

He thinks about Lotor a lot as well and realizes, as time passes, that he can sense Lotor when he is in the ship versus when he is not. It is a feeling deep inside him that lets him know when Lotor is near. He hates this at first. It makes their bond feel stronger, more real. He doesn’t want it to be real.

He is lonely though. He doesn’t want to think as much as he is. He was alone in the shack too, but that felt open and free. He could just jump on his bike or go for a hike or search for the energy source or spy on the Garrison. This feels worse than a jail cell, like he will go crazy if something doesn’t change soon. Sometimes he feels like asking to be put back into a pod.  

In moments of weakness, dark weakness that he hates himself for, he reaches out to the presence on the other end, feels for Lotor sometimes rather than just passively accepting his presence. It makes him feel less alone, but he stops when he can sense Lotor’s excitement at Keith reaching out to him.

He doesn’t want to make Lotor happy. He doesn’t want to strengthen the bond between them. He doesn’t want to be weak.

Everything he senses on Lotor’s end is sad though, anger, drawn, tired. A smidge of doubt and desperation. Keith wonders what is happening to make him feel this way.

His time in the room stretches long enough that Keith starts to wonder if he has been forgotten again when there is a knock on his door. It swings open to reveal Ezor.

“Lotor wants to see you,” she says. He stands up, carefully watching her. She won’t meet his eyes.

“Is he going to kill me?”

“Lotor doesn’t want you dead.”

It is a non-answer. He walks behind her, clenching his dagger in one hand.

Something is wrong.

He wishes it were one of the others who came and not Ezor. He knows in his heart of hearts that he won’t be able to bring himself to hurt her. He would fight to defend himself of course, but he couldn’t willingly hurt her with her back to him. If it was Axca or Zethrid, then maybe. He didn’t have to kill Ezor though. He could just try to knock her out.   

He follows her for a long time, waiting for the right moment, not missing the way she nervously glances behind them a couple of times.  

Then, suddenly they are in a broad open space that Keith recognizes as a hangar. His heart races.

She begins walking faster toward a Galran pod.

“Ok, Keith, we only have a minute or two before he will recognize something is wrong. The entire ship is being monitored, but we managed to interrupt it for just a moment…”

“We?”

“Narti helped with schematics while she was alive…you moron, get over here. Hurry.”

Keith’s mind is reeling as she opens the pod and all but shoves him into the pilot’s chair. His hands shake as he lowers them to the controls. His mind is trying to keep up with what is happening, if this is some kind of sick prank or the moment he has been waiting for.   

“The doors will open in 30 seconds to let you out. You have to go right away because they will only stay open for 30 seconds after that. Ok?”

“Ezor…this isn’t a joke?”

“It isn’t a joke. Keith…” she stops and looks down, a dark look crossing her face.  

“Yes?”

“Go back to Earth one day and pet a kitty for me, ok?”

He is elated at the sudden hope dangling in front of him. He feels giddy. One door and he is free, finally gone and away from his imprisonment. He is about to ask her to come see a lion with him one day when the true reality of the situation hits him.

Lotor had not hesitated to kill Narti. He would also not hesitate when it came to Ezor.

“I can’t leave you here.”

“You don’t have a choice. I don’t have a choice. Things are complicated right now. I don’t have anywhere to go. And I will need to hold him off once he realizes you are gone.”

The door slides open in front of the pod.

She sighs. “Just, make this worth it, ok? Do great things, make the world a better place, all that crap.”

Keith nods. He mentally counts down. 30 seconds once the door opens. 29. 28. 27. 26. 25.

He turns the pod on.

“You have to go!” she yells at him.

“Can we shake hands first?” he asks. 24. 23. 22. 21. 20.

“Ug, humans are so weird.” She reaches down. 19. 18. 17. 16. 15.

He reaches up, grabbing her hand, and then tugs hard. She screams as she falls onto his lap. He doesn’t hesitate to close the pod.

“You idiot! What are you doing?”

Then he is flying, the wide open expanse of space staring out at him. It is the most beautiful thing he has ever seen. Ezor scrambles off of him, pinching herself to the side, barely fitting in the small space with him.  

“Ok, first, we almost didn’t make it out the door, second…”

“I had at least 10 seconds to spare…”

“It doesn’t matter because Lotor is just going to shoot us out of the sky now, Keith. So we are both going to die instead of just me!”

He doesn’t answer, instead inspecting their escape pod. The pod is only basically outfitted, a very general and basic navigation system. Keith takes a deep breath. He isn’t sure if Lotor has realized what is wrong yet, but he knows he has to be proactive. He jerks the pod around in a circle, scanning for what he needs. He only has to travel for a little while before he sees what it. A patch of space debris within an asteroid belt. He immediately flies into it, wincing as they instantly crash against something.

“Are you crazy?” Ezor screams as they bang against the side of a floating rock.

“I do this all the time. It is fine.”

He knows in wide open space they will be sitting ducks, especially in something as crappy as a pod. At least they have a chance in the asteroid belt.

He isn’t saying it is an easy escape though. His hands ache from their clench on the controls at the end of an hour of trying to avoid dying. They are banged around like a ping pong ball at times, the pod flipped and Ezor thrown over him. He wishes he had Red or, really, anything else.  

He finally finds a slower floating pile of space debris to hide behind.

“We have to ditch this pod somehow. Find a new ship or get to Voltron.”

“Oh, great, yeah sounds easy. Just find a great ship in the middle of nowhere then magically find Voltron in the entire whole known universe.”

“Hey, I probably just saved your life…why were you going to just stay there and let him kill you anyway?”

She is quiet for a moment. “I need to explain some stuff. You may regret taking me…Lotor has been named an enemy of the Galra Empire. People have been told to kill him on sight. We have also been named enemies with a kill on sight order.”

“That isn’t that bad. Voltron has the same order from Zarkon I am assuming…”

“Yeah, but you are the good guys. You have allies. No one trusts us. They all know we are Lotor’s and general aliens hate us as much as Zarkon does. Pretty much the entire universe wants us dead right now.”

“Well, Voltron…”

“You really think Voltron will protect me? Don’t make me laugh. I mean, I just don’t have that many options right now and Lotor seems like one of the better ones…”

“We will figure it out Ezor. Right now, we need a practical plan so we don’t die immediately. Like, right now, in space, in this shitty pod.”

Ezor fiddles with her hair appendage. “We aren’t quite in the middle of nowhere. Lotor chose a peaceful place in this quadrant. Not a lot of action so you wouldn’t be found. We could feasibly get to a planet and maybe hide better there. I agree we have to get rid of the pod as soon as possible. But there is more…”

“Just say it…”

“There are rumors that you joined Lotor too. That you are one of his generals. And people know your face. The black paladin, possibly defected to join Zarkon’s son…I mean, I am not saying everyone knows your face, but we are both, uh, kind of recognizable and some will try to kill us on sight.”

Keith clutches the controls harder, considering their options. He wishes he could somehow reach out to Voltron. He wonders where they are or if they are even still looking for him.

A beeping sound stops him. He looks down to see red flashing lights and groans. “Ok, so, the pod is going to be shutting down soon. So, we need to find a planet….now. Or we can just die.”

Ezor sighs and bangs at the basic navigation system.

“Ok…there is a planet right there. Do you think we can make it? I would say let’s wait longer, but given that we can’t breathe in space and you just flew us through an asteroid belt…”

Keith aims for the planet, taking steady breaths. He feels the power fading in the pod and prays that he has just enough time. He veers the pod down to the planet, trying to aim for what might be the alien equivalent of a forest. They crash into a tree that is big enough to help cushion their fall.  

“Ok, well, not dead. Go us,” Ezor says as she pops out of the pod and slithers down to the ground.  

“Do you think we should try to hide the pod?” Keith shimmies down the tree as well.

Ezor looks up at the sky. “No. We didn’t go far enough. Lotor will find us anyway.”

“I know. Do you know what planet this is?”

“Yes. It’s just a normal planet.”

“So it will have a city? Supplies? Somewhere we can possible use someone or something to contact my team?”

“Yes…let me check it out first since, you know, my disappearing act.”

“What?”

“You forgot? Really?” She fades into the background, disappearing before his eyes.

“Oh, right.”

“I’ll be back soon.”   

 Keith paces, disliking not being able to do more until Ezor gets back. It isn’t very long before she reappears though.

“Look!” she says, shimmering back into visibility.  

She has a hood for Keith to wear to hide his identity. She also has a tarp that fashions into a tent and some food.

“Did you steal this stuff?”

“Yeah and?”

“Ezor…”

“I can’t believe this is what you are choosing to lecture me about. Like, we have killed people before, Keith. And we need to survive right now.”

He can’t argue.

So they sleep crammed together in the tent and eat fruit that she had brought for dinner. She tells him about the town some distance away from the forest that thankfully seems big enough that they won’t stand out that much.  

They begin cautiously trying to find a way to improve their situation. They go into the town, sometimes together, sometimes not. Keith wishes he could just go up and turn himself in to whatever might be the police on this planet, but possibly being a wanted criminal stops him. He also worries that Zarkon or Lotor may capture them if they officially let their presence known to anyone. He can’t guarantee that this planet would contact Voltron for him.

A week passes and he is about to turn himself in and hope he gets lucky when he hears something that interests him in the main marketplace. 

“Did you hear that a paladin is here? A real paladin?”

Keith freezes and spins. It is a child’s voice, a small one holding the hand of a larger alien. There is also an even smaller alien being held in the parent’s other arm. 

He grabs the small alien’s shoulders. “A paladin? Where? Which one?”

The small alien shrinks away. He only just now realizes that this is a child and he is an adult man in a hood grabbing them.  

“The green one!” the baby in the parent’s arms cries out. Then, both kids are dragged away by the parent shooting him a dirty look over their shoulder.  Keith doesn’t care though.

Pidge. Why is Pidge here.

He rushes back to Ezor who remained at their tent that day.  

“I think Pidge is here. Or near. But how do we let her know we are here? How do we contact her?”  

“Should we just turn ourselves in? Or, I don’t know. Think Keith. Why would she be here? Maybe we can go to where she is?”

“Well, she may be here for a number of reasons. Voltron business I wouldn’t know. Looking for me. Looking for her dad. Finding a video game.”

Ezor rolls her eyes.

“It’s true. We love video games. Well, I never played them much but Lance and Pidge are really into them.”

“Maybe we can start a rumor that you are here and then see if she comes for you?”

“But wouldn’t that attract other people that may want to get me or a paladin? Or even Lotor?”

“Well, what if we start a rumor that we found her Dad? No one else cares about her dad…”

It feels a bit mean, but Keith nods.

So they spend one night going into random bars and other populated areas, sometimes pretending to be intoxicated but always claiming they know someone who told them he was one of the paladin’s dads. He is vague enough to not seem too much in the know. Most aliens seem to blow them off or think they are lying. He is praying that Pidge gets the rumor though.

It is only three days later that he is walking down an alley way when something wraps around his neck.

He immediately puts his hand up, trying to make sure his air isn’t cut off completely. Even with the wire cutting into his hands and neck, a flash of happiness spreads over him. He knows what this is.

“Are you the one who claims to know something about a paladin’s dad?” a voice rings out. A familiar voice. The best voice in the world right now. A beautiful voice.  

He pulls off his hood and watches Pidge’s face go from cautious to shocked to happy. It feels surrealistic as she runs at him, diving into his arms. He can’t believe she is really here. Some part of him had started to believe that he would never see any of them again.

“Let’s get you home,” she says finally, walking toward the forest. “My lion is just on the edge of this forest.”

“There is something you should know though…”

“What?”

“I am bringing a friend.”

“A friend?”

“Just, listen, a friend helped me escape Lotor and we need to take her with us.”

“Ok, that is fine? Why are you being weird about it?”

He doesn’t know how to explain though as he leads her back to their tent campground.

“Did you get more food? If you forgot again I am going to kick your a….”

Ezor cuts off when she sees he isn’t alone. She looks shocked for a moment and then waves sheepishly at both of them. Pidge’s eyes narrow.

“Oh Keith. No.” She pulls up her bayard.

“I told you!” Ezor says, spinning toward Keith.

“Listen, Pidge. She helped me escape. She betrayed Lotor. I promise.”

“I will be kind and just leave her here. She is not getting on my lion.”

“I can’t leave her.”

“Well I don’t trust her.” Pidge backs up a bit from both of them.   

“Do you trust me?” Keith asks.  

“Yes, but…”

“Then trust me now.”

Pidge bites her lower lip before dragging a hand down her face. “I am cuffing her. She is our prisoner, not someone we are helping.”

“That is fine,” Ezor says. “Can we leave fast? I am seeing more and more Galra in town and pretty much all of them want to kill me.”

They follow Pidge to the Green lion after Ezor is safely cuffed. Keith sits down, trembling slightly. It still doesn’t feel real, that he is actually safe and back in a lion again.  

Pidge does not look happy.

“I know you don’t like this but…”

“There are rumors, Keith and this is an enemy of the entire universe.”

“And now she is cuffed and imprisoned. It is fine.”

“I get it, pilot of the green kitty.  But, now you have an important prisoner at least? Do I qualify as important?” Ezor says.  

Pidge rolls her eyes, not bothering to answer.

Pidge contacts Voltron and tells a shocked sounding Allura that she found Keith. Keith listens to Allura’s surprise, not focusing so much on the words as how good it feels to hear her voice again.

It isn’t long before they are stumbling out of the green lion. The lights of the hangar seem bright to his eyes and he squints. He feels blind and off-center, like in another moment he will realize this is all a mirage and he never actually left Lotor’s side.

Hunk gets to him first, lifting him off the ground and spinning him around like in a movie. Keith lets himself be crushed in his arms. There are a lot of arms that follow and a lot of talking, all at once. He hears his name, questions, chattering, all swirling together into one lump that he cannot separate. He is hugged over and over again, from all sides and it starts to be too much.

He is so happy he is shaking, but it’s too much at once, too many people, too much sound.  He starts to feel dizzy.  

The sound suddenly drops off though and he realizes that Pidge has yanked Ezor out of the lion. She tries to wave again even while cuffed.  Lance immediately manifests his bayard and Keith wonders in some distant part of his brain when Lance became so trigger happy.

“Stop! She isn’t an enemy anymore. She betrayed Lotor and helped me…”

There is a long moment of silence. He searches his friend’s faces, feeling desperate.

Their expressions are hard.

“She is our prisoner now. Shiro, Hunk, please take her to a cell downstairs,” Allura announces.

“We can’t lock her up. That isn’t fair,” he blurts out.

“Keith, read the room,” Ezor whispers to him, gently bumping him with her shoulder as Hunk leads her out.  

Keith is then whisked away to the kitchen with Lance on one side and Allura on another. They try to feed him and still fire questions at him, talking endlessly. He can barely hold his spoon, trying to answer, no, he doesn’t need a pod, yes he is fine, Ezor helped him escape, the food goo is fine, and it goes on and on. He can’t quite concentrate though, the lights still too bright, his hands shaking. There is a deluge of talking-not only questions but also stories. Lance did a solo mission. Shiro wants to know about Lotor. Pidge hands him a new device at some point and tells him they have a group chat now. Hunk wants to know if he wants him to bake something better than food goo.

Keith feels nauseous.

Shiro is asking him about Lotor’s location and he can’t even answer, some force keeping his mouth shut as he attempts to find a frame of reference to ground himself. He realizes that he is doing something wrong when he looks up and sees concerned faces. They are finally quiet though.  

 “Keith, do you want to go rest in your bedroom? We can talk more tomorrow,” Shiro says and Keith nods gratefully.  

“Do you need help getting to your room?” Lance asks.

He shakes his head and stands up, moving toward the door. There are black spots in his vision and he wants nothing more than to lay down in his bedroom and calm down. They let him leave, but he hears footsteps behind him.

He is almost to his room when he hears Lance call his name.

He turns and sees the other boy walk up to him, then reach out to put his hand on his shoulder. Keith isn’t sure why it happens, but he flinches away from the touch. Lance looks surprised, then angry. It is a calm anger that he isn’t sure he has ever seen on Lance’s face before. 

“I am going to kill him.”

“It’s fine…he didn’t…I…” Keith isn’t entirely sure what to say to that or to this suddenly older seeming serious Lance.  He doesn’t normally stumble over his words either, preferring silence if nothing else. But he feels off-kilter, like this is all a dream.

“I shouldn’t have left you back there with him.”

“It’s fine. It isn’t your fault.”

“We should have found you faster.”

“It’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Would you tell us if you weren’t?”

“Lance…” He feels like he is choking.

“Ok. When you are ready. Just relax now. You are safe. And...can we talk…alone at some point, not with the others?” Lance looks back and forth down the hallway. If Keith were more himself, he might find this a little weird.

“We can later. I just need…” He finds himself unable to talk again.

Lance nods, the angry look still on his face, a slight sneer on his lips. It doesn’t suit his features. Then, he pulls him into a hug.

Keith stiffens, letting it happen, reminding himself to return the hug because that is what you do in situations like these.   

“All of our numbers are in the new device that Pidge gave you. I mean this-contact me any time if you need me for any reason. And I will see you tomorrow.”

Keith nods.

Once in his bedroom, he lays on the bed, not even bothering to get under the blanket. He tries to even out his breathing, curling up tightly into a fetal position until the dizzy feeling fades. He looks at the device that Pidge gave him when he calms down. He has a text from Lance telling him to let him know if he needs anything again. Pidge sent him a text saying it is good to have him back. The group chat is thousands of messages deep, full of random chatter and memes. He smiles, holding the device to his chest, feeling a bit more connected and grounded.

He struggles to sleep though even after the lights are out. It still doesn’t seem real that he is back. He grabs the device again, ready to text Lance and possibly talk, or at least distract himself for a while with the group chat.  

He frowns when he picks it up. There is a new conversation started, but coming from an unknown number. He hovers his finger over it, debating whether he should push it or not. No one else should be contacting him right now. No one else should even have his new number.

But he opens it anyway. He can’t help himself.

_Unknown: Keith, I’m not mad at you or Ezor. I understand._

His throat constricts immediately and his heart pounds.

_Unknown: You have to listen though. You are in danger with Voltron._

There are 3-4 other unread texts, but panic edges up immediately, making him throw the device to the ground. Then, he stands up, grabs the device again, and starts slamming it against the wall. He does it again and again and again until it shatters, until his hands are bruised, until the device is just a million little pieces falling to the ground.  

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Read the next installment by clicking the series link or clicking on the link below :)
> 
> [Marry the Night](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13578183/chapters/31164864)

**Author's Note:**

> Come visit my tumblr-we can talk about anything Voltron and/or memes :p
> 
>  
> 
> [My Tumblr](http://furiouskanekicollector.tumblr.com/)  
>  


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